Between The Hashes Week 1: Stone Cold, Broccoli and one fast ballboy
Sports Illustrated's Martin Rickman explores the weirder side of college football Week 1.
Take a deep breath. Smile. Do a small fist pump. Drink a bubbly beverage. Celebrate however you wish because we finally made it.
Week 1 of the college football season is in the books! (Well, not technically, as we still have a couple games on Sunday and one Labor Day special).
We spend the whole offseason missing the hits, the uniforms, the ridiculous plays, the not-so-smart decisions, the quotes and the fans, and once they're back it's like we're home with about the biggest, most eclectic extended family we could ask for.
Last year I started Between The Hashes to celebrate the weird and unique things that make college football its zany, often inexplicable self. "Well you see this coach ate grass one time, no I mean he actually ate grass no we don't really know why he did it but he also is a big fan of Columbus Day... why are you walking away? I have to tell you about the time this other coach held up a cat." Naturally, I'm excited to bring the series back for another go-round. Strap yourselves in. It's going to be a fun year.
(Special thanks as always to the tireless folks who screengrab, GIF, Vine, Loop, Photoshop, tweet and otherwise make our lives better. This goes especially for @CJZero, Tim Burke, @WorldOfIsaac and pretty much everybody at SB Nation.)
From Anchor Down to Anchors Aweigh
It was a big week for uniforms, as Vanderbilt looked great in its all-black "Anchor Down" unis. Unfortunately, its play on the field was downright ugly as the 'Dores fell 37-7 at home to Temple. There was only one problem – Vandy's uniforms weren't exactly street legal. As a result the Commodores were supposed to be penalized a timeout a quarter, but they came prepared with an email from the SEC which gave them permission (the SEC later said that was a mistake). Crisis averted thanks to smart school documentation.
Replacing last names with "Anchor Down" on the back of their jerseys is costing Vandy a timeout every quarter.— ESPN SEC (@ESPN_SEC) August 29, 2014
My god. Vanderbilt reached into its “Sent Mail” file and got the penalty reversed. With an email. For real. This is the best.— Gary Parrish (@GaryParrishCBS) August 29, 2014
As for another nautical bunch, Navy went with some of the best uniforms I've ever seen, and these are just alternates. It's already easy to root for the Naval Academy, between do-it-all quarterback Keenan Reynolds, the option attack and that whole freedom thing, but those guys consistently have some of the best color combinations out there. Oh and the handshake with every member of the opposing team at midfield isn't so bad either.
Let's Go Sports!
It's understated but says everything it needs to say. This is officially the best sign since "PUNT." Thank you, dear Georgia fan.
SPORTS pic.twitter.com/A5tmwsTfOs— SB Nation GIF (@SBNationGIF) August 30, 2014
GOOD PLAY SPORT pic.twitter.com/i0yWec5Xws— Blake Ells (@blakeells) August 28, 2014
Days Since A GameDay Incident On The Job: 0
Giving Lee Corso a gun is never a
good bad idea.
Herbie's like "bruh." pic.twitter.com/TpyhtfMueV— Isaac (@WorldofIsaac) August 30, 2014
Oh, and Stone Cold Steve Austin was there giving hope for a Bill Murray vs. Stone Cold Battle Royale celebrity picker event. That should only end with some version of that Hunter S. Thompson shotgun golf anecdote (you know, the one where he hits golf balls and shoots at them).
Football: Now Packed With More Fiber!
Thanks to Tulane's Steven Broccoli for proving healthy eating can make all your dreams come true.
Sweet name pic.twitter.com/MIgGu9E9MT— Andrew DeWitt (@AndrewRDeWitt) August 29, 2014
Plays of the Week
Timed the Auburn ball boy on their first TD. He ran a 4.77s 40.— Timothy Burke (@bubbaprog) August 30, 2014
But nothing is probably going to top this catch from Tommy Armstrong of Nebraska. Way to kick your rear into high gear, kid.
Michigan State Mockingjay
On his Hunger Games salute, Shilique Calhoun came up with "Spartan Dawg District" during tough workouts, about surviving. #MSU— Chris Vannini (@ChrisVannini) August 30, 2014
Now if only we could find a way to get everyone to start calling Mark Dantonio "The Coach On Fire."
Quotes of the Week
No time for details. Let's let the words speak for themselves.
Quote of the day, in my opinion: "Man....Virginia...what a pain in the ass." -Jeff Ulbrich, UCLA Defensive Coordinator— Marilyn Payne (@marilyn_payne) August 30, 2014
"I don't know what the flight regulations are but we're going to be partying all the way home." JAMES!— Black Shoe Diaries (@BSDtweet) August 30, 2014
Petros to Wannstedt: You recruited Gary Nova, right? Wanny: "Uh, well, yeah that's why I'm sitting here with you."— Bruce Feldman (@BruceFeldmanCFB) August 29, 2014
Kevin Sumlin on @SECNetwork: "We’re not a 1-trick pony. We’re not going anywhere, anytime soon"— Brett McMurphy (@McMurphyESPN) August 29, 2014
The Ricky Dobbs All-Stars
As a general refresher, each week we will highlight some of the best statlines of the week, in honor of former Navy quarterback Ricky Dobbs.
- Texas A&M QB Kenny Hill, 44-60, 511 yards, 3 TD vs. South Carolina
- Tulsa WR Keevan Lucas 13 catches, 233 yards, 3 TD vs. Tulane
- BYU QB Taysom Hill, 308 yards passing, 97 yards rushing, 5 total TD vs. UConn
- WSU QB Connor Halliday, 40-56, 532 yards, 5 TD vs. Rutgers
- WKU QB Brandon Doughty, 569 yards, 6 TD vs. Bowling Green
- UCLA LB Eric Kendricks, 16 tackles, 1 forced fumble, 37-yard interception TD vs. Virginia
- Stanford KR/WR Ty Montgomery, 70 receiving yards, receiving TD, 60-yard punt return TD vs. UC Davis
- Notre Dame QB Everett Golson, 295 passing yards, 41 rushing yards, 5 total TD vs. Rice
- Nebraska RB Ameer Abdullah, 271 yards, 2 TD vs. FAU
- Missouri DL Markus Golden, 10 tackles, 3 tackles for loss, 1.5 sacks vs. South Dakota State
- Georgia RB Todd Gurley, 198 rushing yards, 3 rushing TD, 100-yard kickoff return TD