Thursday September 1st, 2011

Welcome, football: Texas A&M is well and truly gone from the Big 12. That is all we know and all we need to know until mid-February, at least. Conference realignment, NCAA investigations, LSU barfight arrests and August despair be damned and gone: We have lived to see another season. Let Fordham and UConn play on. Let icons of Will Stein be raised across the land.

We are satisfied with our station, until we are not, and you'll never know which until it is too late: BYU releases a too-careful-by-half statement on its place in the Big 12 carousel.

Make that check out to "T-Tubbs," Beebe: Will an obviously prescient Tommy Tuberville be compensated for last year's scolding?

Kid gloves sting: Bill Byrne gives a genteel slaparoo to the Longhorn Network.

And don't call me Shirley: How maybe the most normal thing that has ever come out of Les Miles' mouth cost him the services of one Darron Thomas.

Last-minute attrition watch: Two Terps suspended for the opener against the 'Canes, to the disgusted amusement of Miami fans everywhere. Three of last winter's rhabdo-stricken Iowa players have left the Hawkeyes. Texas LB Demarco Cobbs has broken an arm, and Texas QB Connor Wood is bound for Colorado. Tennessee WR Naz Oliver is lost for the season following wrist surgery. BYU TE Devin Mahina has a neck fracture, which is mercifully a lot less scary than it could have been. And Tulsa's Damaris Johnson gets a late and spicy arrest warrant with his name on it.

Pre-attrition alert: Breathless talk radio hosts, get ready to fire up your talking points covering how Mark Richt has lost control of players who haven't even set foot in Athens yet! (Or, a Georgia recruit beat up some mailboxes.)

Un-attrition alert: Neither of UCLA's top two quarterbacks, both of whom will see snaps against Houston, have been seriously injured in camp. This is nothing short of astounding.

Quote of the day, I: "Maybe I'm proud of being a nerd." -- Andrew Luck.

Quote of the day, II: "We had a face, there was dirt there and we found our face in the dirt." -- Art Briles.

Quote of the day, III: "I know every lawyer in Baton Rouge and no one has ever represented anybody who got into a fight in a bar charged with second-degree battery." -- LSU player attorney Lewis Unglesby.

Thank you India, thank you Providence: target="_blank">Jerrod Johnson sings. This isn't filed under whimsy because I'm scared to call Jerrod Johnson whimsical. Thursday whimsy: The Big Ten conference trophy is surprisingly inoffensive. Houston Nutt should have an inspirational guitar player trailing him at all times. Virginia Tech says poppycock (poppycock!). Auburn romps away with the Fulmer Cup, and with it the Switzer Slam. Tennessee players are skittish as new-broke ponies in their own house. Andrew Luck thinks money is a spreadable condiment. Tank Carder prizes his kickball trophies. Uni Watch tsks at Texas Tech's tramp stamps. And who's ready to rip some Mants?!

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