hollyandersonsi
Monday September 12th, 2011

Going forward, Oregon football players will be flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct when forming an "O" with their hands after a big play. No, for real, this is a thing that is happening, and it is the worst idea any Pac-12 official has ever had, and that includes the in-game antics of Pac-12 referees.

And just think how much more enjoyable college football will be once these young men have been wrung of all emotion! Crowd noise will be banned as well, as an unfair advantage! Memphis will be spotted two wins at the beginning of every season, because it's the neighborly thing to do!  Scoring in bowls will be abolished, and all players will receive participation ribbons! I have never played Division I football for reasons of genetic impossibility, but I find it hard to believe a hand signal could adversely affect my well-being more than, y'know, being scored on. The shame is already there; what's a point to the sky going to do? This might be oversimplifying matters, but here's a time-honored approach to preventing opponents' touchdown dances: Stop them from scoring. Let the players handle these matters on the field. Let coaches govern as they see fit. Let endzone glory be glory. It's not called "feelingsball."

This is utter lunacy, and does nothing to tangibly improve player safety, audience enjoyment, or quality of play. Either Larry Scott knows something we don't and is leaning on his conference's officiators to prepare the West Coast for a coming robot apocalypse that originates from Silicon Valley, or the Pac-12 is laying the groundwork for a readily available public distraction from the next wildly botched refereeing screw-up. Always plenty of those to go around.

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