Designated Read: Coaches! Get your coaches!
• THURSDAY THURSDAY THURSDAY. There is but one nationally televised college football game on order this evening, and it's a doozy: LSU at Mississippi State. Kickoff is scheduled for 8:00 p.m. ET, with coverage on ESPN. More on this matchup in just a little bit, but if you're in Starkville reading this, just go ahead and shut your laptop and get a head start on your tailgating.
• Get your coaches! Fresh coaches, bought and sold! BC's Kevin Rogers was the first I-A coordinator spun off the coaching carousel in the 2011 season, but his departure was for health reasons. The real drama is in Memphis, where the Tigers have made the season's first firing. As first reported by Greg Gaston, defensive coordinator Jay Hopson has been "reassigned" after Memphis lost its first two games by a combined margin of 106-17. Defensive line coach Mike DuBose and linebackers coach Galen Scott have been elevated to co-coordinator status. No, there's not another Mike DuBose; yes, it is sort of funny that Mike DuBose didn't even rate a coordinator gig on his own merits at Memphis.
• The IneligiBowl gets an Ineligiboost. If you were worried that football might somehow take center stage at this weekend's Miami-Ohio State tilt, fear not: The NCAA is looking into Buckeye players' summer jobs and former 'Canes assistant coaches are being drawn into the Nevin Shaprio web.
• You're implying that a conference composed entirely of Big East football teams will ... breed? Everything new and scary in college football realignment has been new and scary before, reminds Matt Hinton, who misses an obvious Jurassic Park layup in an otherwise compelling skewering of the NCAA's sacred conferences.
• Quote of the day, II. "USC football was far more fun to cover when they lacked institutional control." -- Arash Markazi
• This is not an endorsement, but if they want to have Kyle Chandler narrate my biopic, that'd be all right. I'm not being coerced to plug this in any way, so please take this unpaid advertisement in the spirit in which it is intended: Sports Illustrated's new iOS/Android app features Kyle "Coach Eric Taylor" Chandler talking about football, and for a lot of people I know, that'll be more than enough to earn a click. Download it for free here. • Thursday whimsy: This Spirit the Eagle update informs us that it's possible to do blood work on a bird. Dee Finley's felony arrest has been downgraded to a misdemeanor charge, and boy, do some people have some uncharitable things to say about the UF police department. Tragic news for Texas A&M all-name team fans. Journo slumber party in Tallahassee! Enjoy this pictorial summation of the current state of Memphis football. Forget the Labor Day monstrosities; this week's all-black Maryland uniform combo is slick and intimidating. And it's hard to not feel a surge of respect for any coach who posts video of himself getting pancaked in practice.