hollyandersonsi
Tuesday October 4th, 2011

First players off the board in your If I Ran The Zoo fantasy draft. Andrew Luck and Nick Toon spent the best parts of their weekends posterizing. Imagine a kind of offensive creativity unheard of in the NFL where they could do this together on a regular basis. Toon played offense and defense in high school; I don't think he ever played quarterback, but think he'd sling a few balls Luck's way, for funsies? Wouldn't you pay to see these guys play together?

Most comforting broken streak. Five weeks into the season, Robert Griffin's incomplete passes finally outnumber his touchdown passes, 20-18. How reassuring to know he's merely superhuman rather than inhuman. The Bears will contend with an entirely middling pass defense from Iowa State next week, however, so Griffin's numbers may right themselves again in a hurry.

Understatement of October, already. "I think we found a running back," quoth Dana Holgorsen, shortly after the pass-happy Mountaineers skipper witnessed freshman Dustin Garrison rack up 291 rushing yards in a one-man show against Bowling Green.

Best hobby: Oklahoma's Tony Jefferson displayed his love of the football equivalent of skeet-shooting Saturday against Ball State, recording interceptions on three straight possessions against the scoring-averse Cardinals.

Best missing of the haunted forest for one tree with a really scary mask carved on it. Michigan's new four-back formation is all well and good (and it's very, very good), but I have to agree with Mandel here that it's obscuring the real success story, which is what's happening with Michigan's defense in the post-Greg Robinson era.

Iciest Stat: Through five games, Alabama's top-ranked rushing defense is allowing an average of just under 40 yards on the ground, per game. The second-ranked unit, Virginia Tech's, is nearly twenty yards behind.

Grape Job!, or The You Could Have Saved Rutgers Award. Christine Michael, perpetrator of the week's best petty crime with a snatch-and-grab Statue of Liberty job on Ryan Tannehill, might have been able to salvage this Gary Nova interpretive dance into an actual football play. Honorable mention, sans Rutgers-saving potential: Tyler Bray's no-foot field goal, which for all we know may be worth a point, in his head. Tyler's a character like that.

Most diligent referees. This somehow goes to an SEC crew, but not for any in-game heroics: Applause to the thoughtful men who made South Carolina change out of their ill-considered Under Armour/Wounded Warrior Project jerseys when it became clear the numbers wouldn't be readable in-game conditions. It's about time Under Armour was put in time-out for a few minutes. In even better news that actually matters, the jerseys will surely fetch a handsome price at auction for the excellent and good-doing WWP.

Most egregious and unnecessary buffing of a Sun Belt team we have read this season. Technically, Dabo, FIU won last year's Sun Belt title thanks to beating Troy in the regular season. But your team is very good at football, I hear.

Unlikeliest bedfellows. What would Ohio State's offense from Saturday look like given the Kentucky treatment in the Spike Factor project?

Best reason to be ashamed of your 144-yard receiving game. When you're Marqise Lee and Robert Woods tops the stat sheet with 255 yards, in the same game.

Keyuuuutest rivalry. Right after this picture was taken, Uga Russ offered Bully a nice bag of ice to loll on.

SEC Arboreal Crime Of The Week. Mississippi State's Nickoe Whitley might be taking the Bulldog-on-Bulldog contest thing a little too far. Mark your territory on the field, kid. No, not like that. Most compelling moment of Wake Forest-Boston College football. The part where a squirrel got onto the field and ran across the goal line, probably.

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