Designated Read: This belongs in a museum
• That's how Austrians say goodbye: With a wink and a kiss, the Mizzou Tigers are off to find themselves, really find themselves. I'm officially out of dating analogies after two years of conference realignment foofaraw, so from here on it's wall-to-wall Indiana Jones references. Thanks to Missouri's board of curators for existing and making this possible. Dan Beebe will be flashing ankle and singing Cole Porter in a Far East nightclub before we know it. For many more words on this, here's Andy Staples wishing all involved parties would just get on with it, already.
• Don't be too hard on him; there are many different kinds of posters: Ohio State's Gordon Gee and Gene Smith are pretty proud of themselves, all things considered.
• Gary Patterson has his dander up: And the Star-Telegram is being way too nice in calling SMU's comments about TCU a "perceived slight."
• WAC football, home of the 22-minute instant-replay review: Officials are real sorry about that, you guys.
• Quote of the day, I: "Big Ten, SEC, and Pac12 are playing a hybrid game of Monopoly, Risk, and Battleship. Big12: Don't Break the Ice. ACC: Hungry Hungry Hippos." -- Brian Fremeau
• Quote of the day, II: "[Paul] Johnson says he would be content only if the Yellow Jackets, who are averaging 52 points, score on every possession." They're actually closer than you might think, and it's terrifying to behold.
• Quote of the day, III: "Nader says college athletics is pushing people down the 'sensuality ladder,' which I'm not sure is a thing." -- @bylawblog, on Ralph Nader's renewed call to end athletic scholarships
• Giveth, taketh: Auburn is preparing as if Trovon Reed and Emory Blake will be unavailable for Saturday's date with Arkansas, a problematic development for a team that'll have to chug to keep pace with Tyler Wilson's oft-scoring offense. Receiver Verlon Reed is done for the season at Ohio State. Arizona State loses yet another player to injury, this time starting left tackle Evan Finkenberg, who'll undergo knee surgery and has no timetable for return. Seantrel Henderson's return to limited duty at Miami flew under the radar last weekend thanks to the Hurricanes' FCS opponent. And in the worst news for fans of entertaining football, South Carolina's Melvin Ingram may miss the Kentucky game with a sprained foot. • Wednesday whimsy: Lookit Andy Staples, all fancy in the trailer for "The Play That Changed College Football"! Over at Smart Football, smart footballer Chris Brown breaks down the play in question. Welcome back to the papers, Huntley Johnson. Kellen Moore's incompletions get analyzed at OBNUG. $40.33 sounds like a great deal for football tickets, and delightfully spiteful besides, until you realize two of the games you'd be paying for involve Rice and Tulane. And via Josh Black, please enjoy college football's reigning photo of the year.