Tuesday October 11th, 2011

Most surprising inevitability. The sporting community at large seems to have come to a consensus that, since the touchdown in question was eventually restored, the USC-Utah game-ending taunting penalty isn't going to count in our recorded history of shoddy enforcement of college football's wrongheadedest new regulation. That dubious honor belongs to the SEC crew officiating Saturday's LSU-Florida contest, where punter Brad Wing, honored previously in this space as a spooky special-teams phenom, had the audacity to raise his arms as he completed a 44-yard touchdown run off a fake punt and had his score called back. (There was never going to be a really good time to unleash this particular punishment, but it really could have been worse. Just wait until the first time one of these patronizing calls affects the outcome of a game.) In any case, hope you've learned a good lesson about being pleased with your successes, Brad Wing! Be content with this excellent stat tidbit, and next time just keep your arms firmly at your sides while Death Valley explodes in riotous joy around you.

[UPDATE: Alert reader zibby42 with a correction: "Buffalo LB Khalil Mack was called for taunting while returning a pick-six against Stony Brook on 9/10." Can't imagine how that got under the radar.]

Most unfortunate natural-order kneejerk rankings jump. Quoth Stewart Mandel, "In hindsight, it seems a little fishy that Mack Brown's team went from 5-7 a year ago to No. 10 in the Coaches' Poll last week based on wins over BYU, UCLA and Iowa State."

Most emblematic photo, Week 6. There's got to be a head in there, right? But whose?

Most funnest down ever. My notes from this fateful Georgia possession read, as best I can make out, "Hold Hold Facemask Richard Samuel run no gain Richard Samuel run no gain LOLOLOL Punt." It was honestly the high point of a delirious evening for red- and orange-clad faithful alike.

Most helpful appendage. The top of a Hawkeye's foot, as it happens. It's really saying something that this is one of the most successful passing plays Penn State's run all season.

Best hive memory. Keep in mind when reading about Jordan Jefferson's jump pass that offensive coordinator Greg Studrawa wasn't even on LSU's staff when Tim Tebow scored that infamous touchdown against the Tigers. Must be something in the roux.

Most promising performance art piece. If Kentucky's offense could somehow figure out a way to tie this back to this, they'd have a real shot at some sort of NEA grant for fiasco-based arts.

Worst Robert Griffin tribute. Kentucky, again, whose quarterbacks recorded as many completed passes as interceptions against South Carolina.

Most needed new superlative. Denard Robinson's on-field fireworks are now so run-of-the-mill that his season high of 454 yards of total offense against Northwestern seems almost not worth bringing up. Can we construct some kind of December trophy for players whose outsized contributions become so commonplace that their talents are taken for granted? Best potential ringer. Samantha Steele, there's a "Rick Neuheisel" holding on line 1 for you ...

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