Designated Read: Was it something I said?
• UAB 34, No. 22 Southern Miss 31: Yesterday's categorization of the Blazers as a "respite" for the Golden Eagles clearly galvanized UAB into unleashing the special-teams dragon. Emerging from a 14-0 hole after quick touchdown strikes gave Southern Miss a three-minute, two-score lead, the Blazers kept pace in the second half and secured the win with a 38-yard field goal in the game's final four minutes. Nobody in Birmingham puts up with being called a patsy. At least not more than once a season.
Either that, or Larry Fedora really, really doesn't want that Ole Miss job but can't think how to decline it gracefully. And either way: A 2-8 team just beat a ranked squad, and now Southern Miss has to get past Memphis (LOLZ) to lock up C-USA East. And it's all thanks to the hedgehog mentality of the Blazers:
"We don't get down. We just kind of roll," Blazers coach Neil Callaway said.
• No. 9 Virginia Tech 24, UNC 21: All right, this one wasn't nearly as much fun, despite the game-breaking presence of Ron Cherry. The Tar Heels might have made an uncomfortable evening for their hosts, but lost top tailback Giovani Bernard in the first half to a concussion and couldn't catch up, despite a 14-point fourth-quarter rally. [RECAP | BOX]
• Fresh coaches, bought and sold: L'état, c'est Pinkel: Not fired after Wednesday's DWI arrest, but suspended for the Texas Tech game. He'll also face financial penalties and perform community service, and that's just to make it up to the school.
• Home for the ruptured: We've probably seen the last of Jeff Tuel this season at Wazzu. Over in Seattle, Nick Montana has been named the Huskies' starting quarterback in place of the injured Keith Price. Zach Line is done for the year at SMU thanks to OW OW OW a torn toe tendon OW. I have done this. It is no fun at all.
• Roster blotter: Surprising precisely no onlookers, Dillon Baxter will transfer from USC. And how did I miss a Vanderbilt player catching felony charges? • Friday whimsy: Now, Oregon, don't be shy; vaginas perform a variety of useful functions. Because the awards show itself somehow does not provide enough cold-weather pageantry, the announcement of the national college football trophy finalists is somehow a thing. More good fun that is funny from Ohio State. Get to know the brain behind the postseason's best social media efforts. Football -- and life -- sure is funny sometimes. In further news cementing our allegiance his way for life, Brad Wing punted with his opposite foot in LSU's spring game to get in Chip Kelly's head. And a vote for Andy Staples as Houston Nutt's replacement means a vote for me as his Secretary of War. He'll need one of those, right?