Designated Read: Show-cause in a pear tree
• Actual news to emerge to-day! I'll be on a plane to San Diego when it happens, but the NCAA will dispense sanctions in the general direction of Ohio State regarding Terrelle Pryor and his Tat Five Orchestra at 3 p.m. ET. Get your homespun bingo cards ready! Suggested squares: "Jim Tressel show-cause," "Gene Smith cries on camera" and "Boise State somehow ends up being sanctioned in Ohio State's place."
• Fresh coaches, bought and sold! South Carolina defensive coordinator Ellis Johnson is reportedly the new head ballcoach at Southern Miss. It would be Johnson's first head coaching gig at the FBS level. He has served on Steve Spurrier's staff since 2008, and before that was Mississippi State's coordinator since 2004.
• Good news for good guys, II: Two Louisiana Tech standouts, wide receiver Quinton Patton and linebacker Adrien Cole, have donated their Poinsettia Bowl gifts to the Make-A-Wish foundation.
• Roster blotter: Florida State's having a busy bowl prep season, with linebacker Arrington Jenkins arrested for stealing a motorcycle and corner Avis Commack for stealing an iPad. Here are the two best passages from this report, in ascending order of greatness:
During its investigation of the matter last week, FSU police determined that the computer was wiped clean of the initial owner's information and was used to sign onto FSU's wireless entry system with the digital student ID code matching Commack's.
According to the report, when pushed further by police about the motorcycle theft, Jenkins said: "anyone who leaves a motorcycle out in the open should expect to have it stolen."
Hard to argue with that ironclad logic. In less dramatic roster developments, Oklahoma's Ronnell Lewis is out for the Insight Bowl thanks to academic transgressions; click through for a sublimely catty statement from Bob Stoops. • Tuesday whimsy: SI.com's high school All-America list is out, if you're into that sort of thing. The Capital One Bowl's indispensable Twitter feed is not taking Ellis Johnson's reported departure well. See Penn State's Matt McGloin discuss his widely publicized fight with a teammate. Alex Smith is no longer under our purview but this gif is essential to your Tuesday happiness. And yes, let us not let another bowl pass without getting our artisanal pork-themed this-thing-is-like-that-other-thing swagger on.