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Weekend whimsy: Up is down, down is sideways, Brock Osweiler is shrinking

Some light reading and our favorite stories of the week to speed you through Friday.

Can't trust a blessed thing in this world. If we can't depend on Brock Osweiler being 6-8, what can we depend on? Next thing you'll tell us Ron Zook is, at best, a mediocre and unenthusiastic jetskiier.

More like "leaders of the pack beating a fast trail out of Denton," amirite, Hoosiers? The problem, in the end, with naming conference divisions "Leaders" and "Legends" is that every league, no matter how stacked, is going to have its Indiana. Smart and sassy Michigan internet fixture MGoBlog follows up our shoddy "research" with some "research" of its own -- and speaking of shoddy, Brand Explorers still can't spell "analysis." Fun extrapolation from the ensuing comment thread: "This, combined with the the poll posted on the board yesterday, suggests that Michigan fans disapprove of the division names more strongly than they approve of Brady Hoke." Who just won Michigan a Sugar Bowl, you might have heard.

The state bird of Ohio. Is not football, but don't mention that to the northern cardinal.

Ricky Williams, graven idol. We can only hope that future civilizations, surveying the wreckage of post-zombie-apocalyptic America, will find these bronzed tributes to our beautiful game and build a religion around them.

Dillon Baxter's wrong foot appears to be his left. At least according to the accompanying photo here.

About social media being a young person's game. You can rake in the accolades as Rivals' Big 12 recruiter of the year, but you had best familiarize yourself with the difference between a public Twitter reply and a direct message before you try to take your strat to the new media frontier.

Tweet of the week. Miami safety JoJo Nicolas, you have our full and rapt attention.

Let's work some high kicks into this square dance. The Texas A&M no-spirit-ladies-in-our-special-traditions debate will go on, but not forever: The Aggies play Ole Miss, LSU and Alabama this season, and exposure to the Rebel cheerleaders, Golden Girls and Crimsonettes can only move that needle inexorably in a single direction.

DANCE BREAK. It's catlab versus the SEC head coaches photo versus Dana Holgorsen's Mountain Dew habit, and the winner, as always, is all of us.
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