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Campus Union

Weekend Whimsy: Adopt a Duck!

Some assorted light reading and stories of entertaining import from the past week to speed you through your Friday.

It's important to instill a sense of care for America's wildlife. 

As professional college football polytheists, we enthusiastically support this practice of football-less teams adopting rooting interests as their own. We also have extensive experience in assigning teams to unwilling bowl-watching party guests who do not care for our beautiful game, so if you'd like us to proxy-baptize your spouse or whatever into the Wisconsin or Texas A&M or New Mexico State faith, do holler.

Well, Lander College for Men doesn’t actually have an official football team, but I have worked long and hard to mold these men into loyal Ducks fans. I believe I have been fairly successful. As a University of Oregon graduate, you understand I had to… so now there are 300 Jewish kids in Queens rooting for the University of Oregon Ducks.

It's Not Called Feelingsball, Episode 3466b in an Infinite Series. While we cringe in horror from any stated desire, however tangential, to make college football more like the NFL, we do applaud Larry Scott's staunch anti-participation ribbon stance.

"This is the first instance ever of a man being able to point to the crown of his head and simply intone, 'Hairboard.'" The SEC's finest Bama Bangs reside in -- gasp! -- Mississippi?

"Asked at a recent candidate forum what qualified him for the Senate, James responded simply. "Life," he said." Click through for that, but stay for the part where Craiggy-J won't go on the record to deny receiving improper benefits at SMU. Are we alone in sorta/kinda wanting to move to Texas for a few weeks and watch this all spin out?

No trips to the South Georgia Pecan Gift Shop can change a man. The time has come for us to address the ascension of Zach Mettenberger, who is one of our all-time favorite hellraising quarterbacks because nobody else we know has ever gotten himself banished from Valdosta, Georgia. We would have given kidneys to accomplish this as a child, but our sainted mother would not be swayed from the siren's call of the Lake Park Factory Outlets.

And speaking of our favorite hellraising quarterbacks. A milestone for another one.

Slow speed off the line but tremendous leadership potential. Celebrating the College Football Hall of Fame's least-known honoree.

Your weekly catlab. Holgo dreams of Daytona.

Quote of the week, North Texas Vodka Regime Edition. "I don't know a doctor yet that says a little Grey Goose will help recover. But after a victory, there's nothing like a Grey Goose." -- Dan McCarney, to Brett McMurphy

Yes, we checked. No, no scooters were involved. It concerns the wrong kind of football, but you simply must read up on the college athletics crime of the century.

That'll do it for us this Friday. Have a blessed weekend, gentle readers. 

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