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Petrino Impropriety Power Rankings

Because it's not really a sports blog if we never do power rankings, and a holiday Friday seems as good a time as any, no?

1. Bobby Petrino hiring his mistress to work in the Arkansas athletic department, with a bullet. The idea that this was allowed to happen looks ludicrous enough in print. For a more sober take, read what Andy Staples scribbled in the night, and take heed: It's the "in the Arkansas athletic department" and not "mistress" that's the killer here.

2. Timing. Four days elapsed between the hiring of said mistress and the crash that introduced their relationship to an incredulous public.

3. Vocabulary strength & conditioning. Petrino was able to stretch the definition of "previous inappropriate relationship" to encompass a woman he'd taken riding and endeavored to shield from public knowledge just four days prior.

4. Jessica Dorrell's engagement to an Arkansas athletic department staffer.

5. Petrino's grasp of real-world Venn diagrams, which somehow gave him the idea that what he told the police and what he told his employers would never be viewed side-by-side in an ever-updating world of relentless media scrutiny.

6. The university charging to view the live online stream of a press appearance that turned out to not contain any live-action Petrino whatsoever.

7. The Sugar Bowl cap Petrino wore to his first post-crash media appearance. A diabolical touch of theater that skews crossways to every other decision he's made that we know about throughout this entire sordid process.

8. Comedic foresight. Again, B-Pet, releasing letters and allowing team personnel who aren't you to deal with the media fallout?

9. Those pig head hats in the Arkansas bookstore. We love those.

10. And introducing Hugh Freeze as Melanie Wilkes, Genteel Division Rival:

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