hollyandersonsi
Tuesday April 17th, 2012

We take longstanding college football rivalries as seriously as any media outlet in the nation around here, which is to say they are revered with a solemnity ancient cultures might have reserved for fertility rituals. Open season on one's most be-loathed opponents never ends. Everything is fair game. Until it isn't:

That'll do it. Alabama football is currently impervious to comedic jabs of all types. There is honestly nothing not to like here. Trent Richardson is an excellent human being in addition to a beastly football player, and we can even do a little smug hipster preening at remembering how we always did like him a little better than Mark Ingram. The strain will be difficult, but some day in the distant future, a new outlet for japing will present itself, and until then, we'll just have to --

The AFCA Coaches Trophy met its early demise following Saturday's A-Day Game at a team function. Only shards of Waterford Crystal remained by Monday evening. Valued at $30,000, the now-iconic award was first presented in 1986.

A university spokesperson says the father of a current player accidentally toppled the trophy when he stumbled on a rug that was under the trophy display. The Tuscaloosa News reports that officials aren't releasing the name of the man.

AND WE'RE BACK. Hugely disappointed the Crimson Tide faithful haven't ferreted out this poor guy's name yet, y'all. Arkansas fans would've known his shoe size and blood type inside half an hour. We will be sure to tell you this in person, Alabamians, when next we see you in the Quad, which by then will be festooned with booths selling broken bits of punchbowls advertised as crystal football shards. Like pieces of the cross, they will outnumber the stars, and emerge in numbers sufficient to encase all of Tuscaloosa in an exquisite dome. A dome shaped like a porkpie hat.

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