• This is what you're missing if you're not following Herb Hand on Twitter. What is it with offensive line coaches associated with Vanderbilt? Hand has yet to mention turkey insemination practices in any of his public appearances, but in popping up on video doing the worm for a meeting room full of hollering student-athletes, he proves himself an able successor to the charms of Robbie Caldwell.
• We are confident this is the last we will hear of this story. Former Penn State players would like to appeal Penn State's sanctions, please. NCAA: “The Penn State sanctions are not subject to appeal.” Moving on!
• Reckless operation of a personal watercraft is the most Tennessee charge. Here's a thought to whoever's in charge of whatever happens next to Tyler Bray: Send him to Atlanta to visit Blair Holliday, who's just now able to speak following his July 4 jetski encounter.
• Pellet guns make college football news again. A bunch of Colorado players had a toy gun in a car, which was reported to police, who then pulled over the players, one of whom then made the super helpful life choice of telling the cop to shoot him. Suspensions and one program departure result.
• Rounding out our legal blotter: "An attorney representing the former University of Miami Hurricanes safety said Tuesday night that he plans to file an injunction later this week to reinstate [Ray Ray] Armstrong to the Hurricanes football team." That should take care of that!
• Stripes are just tawdry. Yes, any kind of stripe. As die-hard uniform minimalists, we sympathize in principle with Penn Staters distraught over the thought of having names put on players' jerseys, but let's all cling to this one inescapable truth while we're at it:
The lesson to learn about PSU fans flipping out about jersey names and ND fans doing the same about turf is that all fans are terrible.
— Chris W. (@rakesofmallow) August 7, 2012
We will have a few more thoughts on people, places and things that are terrible later on today. [SPOILER ALERT: All people, places and things are terrible in their own unique ways.]
• Quote of the Day. We missed this on Saturday, from an Arizona student radio blog, but feel it deserves a chortle.
After another two hour practice in the Tucson heat, Arizona Wildcats' quarterback, Matt Scott explained how new head coach, Rich Rodriguez was bringing about positive changes just two days into training camp. "Our discipline is a lot greater than it's ever been....We didn't really have discipline these past couple of years, so that's really what we needed."
• Rutgers to the SEC! No sudden movements, as we are concerned these people might be serious. Don't startle them into flight just yet. Let's just watch. • No, this is not how it's supposed to work at all. Tanner McEvoy is supposed to be re-suspended at least five or six more times before leaving the Gamecocks. This is throwing our calendar into complete disarray.