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Designated Read: Alan Menken presents the Buckeyes

Tell us these guys don't look like they're about three seconds away from all breaking into song.

• Everything about college football recruiting remains anywhere from vaguely to outright creepy. From the pros to the rest of us.

What does Collin Klein look for in a date? "Someone just like my mom," he said "--but younger."

• Gross. Something about the NCAA's PR machine invoking the Alabama tornadoes here to burnish its image as a benevolent oligarchy makes us extremely uncomfortable.

• Corwin Brown update. The former Notre Dame assistant has received a four-year suspended sentence following his arrest on domestic battery charges.

Injury report story hour. We are absolutely through making jokes about Angry Iowa Running Back Hating God, because he/she is clearly real and clearly very, very upset with humanity.

COME ON.

• Roster blotter. Reports that Texas has named a starting quarterback are clearly part of an elaborate prank designed to entertain us through the waning offseason ... Steele Jantz will start at QB for Iowa State, which we love because STEELE JANTZ ... Josh Nunes is your Stanford starting QB, looking very Stanfordish ... Texas Tech dismisses LB Daniel Cobb ... Buffalo suspends LB Khalil Mack ... Florida State DT Jacobbi McDaniel will likely take a medical redshirt year ... and Alabama's put long snapper Carson Tinker on scholarship, leading to a scene we would pay dearly to have seen:

• Misc.   Chris Brown at Grantland is pretty much always an auto-rec from us ... Tom O'Brien gets a little saucypants ... Penn State disappears a certain few names from its Lift 4 Life board ... an Oklahoma child suffers insults to his Michigan man-ness ... Watts Dantzler remains a national treasure ... Bret Bielema, doing Bret Bielema things ... and accept the Nickelback College Football Highlight Challenge at your own peril.
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