It is immensely difficult not to like any football player named Munchie Legaux
Pittsburgh and Cincinnati play a single game tonight that makes up the entirety of your Thursday college football viewing schedule. We're sure you have so many questions.
• What information do I, the discerning consumer, need to consume this game? The Panthers and Bearcats kick off at 8 p.m. ET in Cincinnati's Nippert Stadium. The game will be televised on ESPN.
• That is a fun word to say. What, Nippert? Yes! Nippert. Nippert. There is a plucky sensuality about it that I find alluring. The venue is billed as the "fourth-oldest playing site and fifth-oldest stadium in college football." It also comes with a somber history:
During the season-ending clash with rival Miami (Ohio) in 1923, Jimmy Nippert sustained a spike wound injury and died a month later from blood poisoning. His grandfather, James N. Gamble of Procter and Gamble, provided the funds needed to complete the horseshoe-shaped structure, and the James Gamble Nippert Memorial Stadium was dedicated on Nov. 8, 1924.
• Wait, seriously, this is it for tonight? On television, if you want to watch major college football, yes.
• OMG, gross. If there is a bright side to this game, it's this: Both of these teams are winless, but one of them is also lossless! We already know that Pitt is capable of losing by two touchdowns to the Youngstown State Penguins, but the Panthers' Week 2 opponent is making its debut. The Bearcats had a Week 1 bye and will tune up against Pitt and Delaware State before taking on Virginia Tech on Sept. 29.
• Was Youngstown State any good last year? The Penguins went 6-5 with a 4-4 conference record in 2011. They finished sixth out of nine teams in the MVC.
• Can you say "Pitt's playing on short rest after Youngstown State" with a straight face? We are trying. We are really, really trying.
• So the only upside to watching this game is that Cincinnati might be fun to watch, but we're not sure yet? That's not all! The Bearcats also feature All-Name Team lock Munchie Legaux as their starting quarterback.
• Anybody to watch for Pitt? Keep an eye on senior running back Ray Graham, who was sidelined last October by an ACL tear and returned to rush for 71 yards on 14 carries last week. Six Panther players suspended for the team's season opener also return tonight.
• Skyline Chili or a Primanti Bros. sandwich?
Both, at the same time. We are declaring the Skyline Sandwich the official food of this game, because we need something to live for.