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Campus Union

Scattered reports cover our desk; more Designated Reads

We know. We KNOW, OK? We were over Gangnam Style and convinced no one would ever top the Duck got up to on his day off. But Army's offering comes awfully, awfully close. Cute kids! A real horse! Serious-faced cadets dancing with imaginary lassoes! A big-ass American flag! Party in the USA, y'all. We're not sorry.

• WHAT IS THE LAMESTREAM MEDIA HIDING IN ITS HASH BROWNS?? A tweet we're not going to bother to verify (because we're having too much fun) blows the doors off yesterday's blockbuster Wall Street Journal Waffle House report:

A cursory examination of a map of Tuscaloosa shows that if one is measuring from, say, the Saban statue, Alert Reader Shane may be onto something. More on this story as it develops.

• Roster blotter. TCU starting quarterback Casey Pachall, who is supposed to be playing Iowa State on Saturday, has been hit with an indefinite suspension following an arrest on suspicion of DWI. Behind him on the depth chart: One redshirt freshman, one true freshman and a wide receiver.

• If it makes you feel any better, Miami, he will likely regret this decision at least once for every foot of snow that piles up around his new home. Hurricanes AD Shawn Eichorst is reportedly making a lateral move to replace Tom Osborne at Nebraska.

Schedule matters. Ohio State is getting into scheduling real football teams (too late to get that Tennessee series back?) and we share the delight of their fans ...  the ACC will not be moving to a nine-game conference schedule with the sort-of addition of Notre Dame ... Louisiana Tech will play Army at Cotton Bowl Stadium on Sept. 28, 2013 ... Northern Illinois has announced an agreement to play Arkansas in Fayetteville on Sept. 20, 2014.

• Injury report story hour. Florida linebacker Jelani Jenkins (thumb) is expected back against LSU ... and Hawaii defensive tackle Geordon Hanohano, carted off early in last Friday's game against BYU, is calling it a career. Hanohano's statement: “After talking it over with my family and the medical staff, I’ve decided that this was the best decision for my future health as hard as it is to quit playing the game I’ve played since I was eight years old. I’ll still be out there supporting the team at every function I can be at and do everything I can to help them finish the season strong.”

• Misc. Good Bull Hunting gives Ole Miss the Ken Burns treatment ... Ohio State really did write a check to the Little Sisters of the Poor ... UNC will not be recognized as an ACC division champ, if it comes to that ... Louisville would very much like to prevent Charlie Strong from leaving to a bigger program ... and if you're not perusing Georgia's equestrian media guide right now, you're not having enough fun on your Thursday morning.

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