Michigan State's Mark Dantonio can get WAY grouchier than this. You'll see. (AP)
Your oddly specific Saturday viewing guide. For more football-centric preview content, check out Andy Staples' Walkthrough.
• Most locally sourced farm-to-fan football. In-state rivalries abound in Week 8, for those of you keeping vigilant watches on your carbon footprints. Saturday's sustainably-grown grudge matches include No. 22 Stanford at Cal (3 p.m. ET), Michigan State at No. 23 Michigan (3:30 p.m.) and No. 12 Florida State at Miami (8 p.m.).
• Worst idea for a noon kickoff in recorded human history. Or maybe "best idea in terms of public safety," but we're still calling an 11 a.m. CT kickoff for LSU at Texas A&M the worst kind of cowardice. Who wants to live forever?
• Saddest ball of football sadness. Army (1-5) at Eastern Michigan (0-6), the latter of which we really did call "the country's best winless team" on the Mandel Initiative podcast earlier this week. We meant every word of that. (HONORABLE MENTIONS: Boston College, already with a loss to this Army team, has to play a Georgia Tech team that's already lost to Middle Tennessee State; and FAU-South Alabama, which will play in the One Of You is Getting Off The Floor Of The Sun Belt Whether You Want To Or Not Classic.)
• Hmmm. Not sure quite what to make of No. 21 Cincinnati at Toledo. Just pointing out that it is a thing that is going to happen, and it seems like one of those games where you should keep half an eye on the box score, just in case.
• Most highly concentrated "GOD IS ON OUR SIDE!" chants. BYU at No. 5 Notre Dame. Still feels pretty weird to type that.
• Spittiest coaches. Like your skippers emotive? You'll love No. 9 South Carolina at No. 3 Florida. Way more than will either Steve Spurrier or Will Muschamp. Stay tuned for the third quarter when they'll just scurry to midfield and batter each other with headsets.
• DUKE BOWL ELIGIBILITY WATCH. It could happen, and one more win will do it. The Blue Devils host UNC for a 7 p.m. kick.
• Undercard of high football and entertainment value. Louisiana-Monroe at Western Kentucky, 4:00 p.m., for sole control of the SBC. Hail to the Sun Belt/Sure is a fun belt/Ra! Ra! Ra!
• Pointiest potential pointsplosion. Either Colorado at No. 11 USC or Idaho at Louisiana Tech. We feel you, Bulldogs. We want to banish all memories of Shreveport in as violent a manner as possible, too.
• Best nightcap.
Utah at No. 8 Oregon State (that also feels weird to type), 10:30 p.m.