Just because Troy Calhoun communicates in a series of airplane noises doesn't mean you get to call him "Flyboy," Dave Christensen. (AP)
• So some Mountain West officials walk into an internet café ... Dave Christensen getting away with a reprimand for what he said to Troy Calhoun made a lot more sense last week before YouTube video of what Dave Christensen actually said (warning: explicit language) got around. Now that it's a thing, Christensen will serve a one-week suspension and pay a $50,000 fine. The game he'll miss will feature his 1-6 Cowboys hosting the 6-1 Boise State Broncos.
• Also double-secret probated. The ACC issued a blanket release covering the various disciplinary actions to be leveled against North Carolina freshman linebacker Shakeel Rashad, two officials from the UNC-Duke game and the entire crew from the FSU-Miami matchup.
• Mark Richt has lost control of ... hey, WAIT A MINUTE. Sorry, we just never get to use that joke in real life, and then when we do it feels really weird.
• Bowl projections include forecasts of unceasing sadness. There's not much we like better than a set of imaginary bowl matchups that includes the phrase "NO ELIGIBLE TEAMS."
• Mo' money, mo' media relations. Mack Brown reportedly spends six hours per week taping material for the Longhorn Network, which is the first and maybe the last time you'll ever hear of any coach at this level spending that many hours during the season doing anything that far away from a football field or film room, including "sleeping" or "staying in same room with members of immediate family."
Is this even going over well with Texas fans? It is not.
• Roster blotter. From the "Maryland Is Completely Snakebit" Department, Randy Edsall announces that the Terps are down yet another starting quarterback: Perry Hills tore his ACL against North Carolina State and will miss the remainder of the season ... Oklahoma defensive tackle Stacy McGee returns to action for the Sooners against Notre Dame ... Sean Mannion and his freshly surgeried knee are back taking snaps with the Beavers' first team.
• Quote of the day, Cocktail Party edition.