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A Thousand Points of Spite: Week 9 awards

Miscellaneous awards dispensed in honor of college football’s weekend that was:

Desmond Howard as Chip Kelly, Chris Fowler as Nick Saban, Lee Corso as Bill Snyder and Kirk Herbstreit as Will Muschamp. (Phil Ellsworth/ESPN Images)

• Scariest Halloween costumes: America's beloved Saturday morning college football preshow hosts, particularly Kirk Herbstreit. There's just something unaccountably sinister about a Will Muschamp face that does not move. Spoooooky.

• Brightest light in darkest night: Will Stein, doing a little Keg O'Nails standing after Louisville's Friday night overtime win.

• Best Gameday sign: "Notre Dame is probably going to lose" doesn't lose any of its luster following the Irish's romp over Oklahoma. Admire its stark simplicity and willingness to concede the possibility of defeat.

• Best innovation: Brandon Marcello's suggestion to rename the SEC Freshman of the Week award for Johnny Manziel. Texas A&M put up a 600-plus yard game for the fourth time this season, and Johnny Football bears personal responsibility for 350 of those yards  -- all accomplished in less than three full quarters on the field. The breakdown: 260 yards passing, 90 yards rushing, five touchdowns. We like you, Texas A&M. We like you a whole lot. The only positive consequence of realignment we've ever personally enjoyed has been having Manziel play football this close to our house.

• Quote of the week: "I got upset with the backup players because they are better than that." This from Nick Saban, whose reserves surrendered a single touchdown to Mississippi State in the course of Alabama's -- HAHA JUST KIDDING, here's the real quote of the week:

MUCH better.

• Nick Florence Award for Appallingly Beautiful Stat Lines In The Face Of Actual Defeat. Marqise Lee and his 16 catches for 345 yards against Arizona, a game USC lost 36-39.

• Best penalty combo move. Colorado wins a thing! GRAPE JOB, COLORADO. The Buffs would go on to lose to Oregon by more than 50 points, which seems to be the fashionable thing to do this season.

• Most inevitable flameout: Ohio. We get our pre- and midseason picks wrong, like most of our colleagues, WAAAAY too often to crow about getting one broken-clock prediction to go our way once in a while, and seeing the last mid-major undefeated team fall is not a happy moment in any case, but it wasn't hard to see Ohio's first loss of the season coming. You don't beat the likes of UMass, Buffalo and Akron (teams with a combined 2-23 record in 2012) by a margin of a touchdown or less and inspire any great confidence in a continued perfect record.

• Best reason to go to Norman: Lee Corso and firearms.

We will let this picture stand in place of the thousand words we could write on the subject. (Phil Ellsworth/ESPN Images)

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