Gio Bernard will likely score more than this many touchdowns tonight. (AP)
Your Thursday night FBS college football lineup consists entirely of a clash between the fourth- and fifth-place teams in the ACC Coastal. We're sure you have so many questions.
• What information do I, the discerning sports fan, require in order to consume this game? The Tar Heels and Cavaliers are scheduled to kick off at 7:30 p.m. ET in Charlottesville's Scott Stadium. The game will be televised on ESPN and streamed on WatchESPN.
• ... what else is on? Tonight, the ACC is up against a rerun of The Mentalist on TNT, Lethal Weapon 4 on HDNet, something called Rattlesnake Republic on Animal Planet and a whoooole bunch of basketball. Um, and Dolphins-Bills on NFL Network. Still with us?
• Ugh. Fine. Get me interested in this game. If you haven't perused this EDSBS reader breakdown of possible tiebreaking scenarios in the Coastal division, you're missing out. Apart from those implications, tonight's game could help set up one ornery regular-season finale game in Blacksburg. If both Virginia and Virginia Tech win this week (the Hokies travel to Boston College this Saturday), they'll play their annual rivalry match with bowl eligibility on the line.
• For whom should we be watching this fine evening? With no other palatable distractions to pull you from this game, tonight would be a fine time to sit back and appreciate the talents of the underheralded UNC running back Giovani Bernard, the nation's third-ranked all-purpose runner. He edged past the 1,000-yard single-season rushing mark last week against Georgia Tech despite missing two games back in September.
• Why have you neglected to mention the SyFy original movie Rise of the Zombies, airing tonight at 7 p.m.? Because there's only so much football left in the season, and we want you to cherish all of it. It'll be gone before you know it, and then we can watch Mariel Hemingway and Levar Burton fight the undead.
• You are making that cast up. We are so not