LOLZ Air Force has AIR in the name but never puts the ball in the AIR! Amirite, Connor Dietz? (AP)
A couple selections of college football-like substances are on offer this evening in prime time viewing hours. We're sure you have so many questions.
Florida International at Florida Atlantic
• What information do I, the discerning sports fan, require in order to consume this game? The Owls and Golden Panthers are scheduled to kick off at 8 p.m. ET in Boca Raton. The game will be televised on ESPNU and streamed on WatchESPN.
• What's at stake here? Florida-based Sun Belt program bragging rights and little else. Both teams are out of postseason contention and occupy two of the three bottom slots in the SBC standings.
• Wasn't Florida International supposed to be good this year? We certainly thought so! But instead of contending for top honors in a very deep Sun Belt, the Panthers have only just notched their first conference win of 2012, a 28-20 defeat of transitional South Alabama on November 3.
• Is this the stadium with the Schnellenberger statue? It absolutely is. We wait with breathless anticipation to see how it will be outfitted with a perma-puffing pipe and Santa hat for the upcoming holiday season. Schnelly Claus!
Hawaii at Air Force
• What information do I, the discerning sports fan, require in order to consume this game? The Warriors and Falcons are scheduled to kick off at 9:30 p.m. ET in Colorado Springs. The game will be televised on ESPN2 and streamed on WatchESPN.
• What's at stake here? We could still, technically, end up with a scenario in which the current triumvirate of teams with one conference loss topping the Mountain West standings (San Diego State, Fresno State and Boise State) becomes a foursome of two-loss teams by the end of the regular season. Things that would all have to happen for that to occur: An Aztecs loss to Wyoming next Saturday, a Broncos loss to Colorado State tomorrow or Nevada on December 1, and two wins by Air Force, one tonight and one next Saturday in the lair of the Bulldogs. This is not extremely likely to occur, but we bring it up here just to point you back to the MWC's delightfully convoluted tie-breaking policy. The 5-5 Falcons can also secure postseason eligibility tonight, and a win here for the Warriors would be Hawaii's first in conference play this season, as well as its first against an FBS team.
• For whom should we be watching this evening? Keep your eyes on the ground. Air Force quarterback Connor Dietz and running back Cody Getz headline the nation's second-most prolific rushing attack and are shored up by three additional Falcons (Jon Lee, Wes Cobb and Ty MacArthur) each averaging more than 40 ground yards per game.
• Any hardware at stake tonight? Hawaii and Air Force play for the Kuter Trophy, named in honor of General Laurence S. Kuter, first head of the Pacific Air Forces Command. The trophy has resided with the Warriors since these teams last met in 2001.
• Say, isn't it funny that Air Force is called AIR FORCE and it never throws the --
Stop it. But --
Stop it. They know. We promise. They know.