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A Thousand Points of Spite: Week 12 awards

Assorted bests and worsts from college football's weekend that was:

Most ominous foreshadowing: The head of the beloved Oregon mascot whipping off and flying away in midair, not too long before the Ducks' first loss of the season. That led, of course, to this spectacle on GameDay:

We should've seen Stanford coming. We all should've known.

• Best convert: Hey, Tavon Austin at running back! That seems to be going pretty well! How well, Charleston Gazette?

  • Austin carried the ball 21 times for 344 yards in his first-ever appearance as a running back. That broke K.J. Harris' school record of 337 set against East Carolina in 2004.

  • He added four catches for 82 yards, all of them in the first half.

  • He returned eight kickoffs for 146 yards.

  • Add it all up and it comes to 572 all-purpose yards. It goes without saying that it shattered both the school and Big 12 records. As it turns out it was just six yards away from the NCAA mark of 578, set by Emmett White of Utah against New Mexico State in 2000.

• Best bad company: Every Bowling Green Falcon who misses a tackle on this second Dri Archer run, and the poor couple of souls who miss tackling him twice.

(The first run's not bad either.)

• Most covert eight-touchdown performance: Tajh Boyd. We mentioned this Saturday, but we were glued to USC-UCLA along with seemingly everyone we know, when all of a sudden in a lull we got a look at Boyd's stat line and saw that he'd managed eight total touchdowns in three quarters. That's some spycraft.

• Grape Job! Colorado executing a quarterback sneak for a first down -- a first down the Buffs already had. We may have to retire the Grape Job sticker after this. Football doesn't get much graper.

• Best use of a virtual bye: Christine Michael. Hey, if you're going to get thrown out, get thrown out during a week in which your presence won't make the difference between a win and a loss, and it might not the following week either. Another sterling example of those SEC scheduling smarts at work.

Best Les Miles moment since "Have a GREAT day:" The Hat reenacting his nervous bowler sideline antics while watching Odell Beckham pull off a particularly spicy return. The dance moves show up near the end of that video, and have been helpfully gif'd for you by @thekeyplay.

• Biggest waste of a retort: Franklin's post-touchdown throat slash. He got as far away from the cameras as possible, but he was going to get caught, particularly when so much of the pregame chatter centered around the proper and improper use of bladed weapons on a football field.

• Team that most deserves John Gruden as its next head coach. After this? Can't hand that particular honor to any team but Arkansas.

They're harmonizing! There's a tambourine! You cannot be unmoved by this!

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