WHO ATE THE LAST JELLIED CRANBERRIES?? AND STOP SELECTING BOWSER. I AM ALWAYS BOWSER. (AP)
Tis the season to allow cornbread dressing to serve as a socially appropriate sandwich filler. Here's a look at what to watch this week and weekend, accompanied by appropriate holiday activities. For more Week 13 preview content, visit SI.com proper.
• 7:30 p.m. ET: Prepare and consume first leftovers sandwich. One lone FBS game looms on the Thursday schedule, and it kicks off after dark, so we're calling this the nightcap game. Borrow your Nana's Slanket and settle in for a long winter's nap with TCU at Texas.
• 11:00 a.m.: Heat up yesterday's bourbon punch. Syracuse at Temple will be on offer on ESPN2, but the discerning sports fan (with the better cable package) will opt for Ohio at Kent State on ESPNU instead.
• 1:00 p.m.: Second leftovers sandwich. Perk up with some daylight MACtion, and watch Jordan Lynch kill a few birds during Northern Illinois at Eastern Michigan.
• 2:30 p.m.: School your cousins in an unnecessarily vitriolic pickup football game and/or MarioKart tournament that may or may not descend into physical altercations. Head coaching personality-off hour is upon us, in the form of LSU at Arkansas.
• 10:00 p.m.: Meet your friends from high school at the only bar in town that's open today, which happens to be Applebee's, which will serve your sister a short rocks glass full of lukewarm sour mix when she flashes her new adult driver's license and orders a lemon drop martini. It's worth staying up for Friday's nightcap game, Arizona State at Arizona.
• Noon: Realize you did no Christmas shopping yesterday. None whatsoever. Scour Amazon for any remaining Blu-ray deals with which to stuff stockings. Watch a game we are told is of some significance while you are doing so! Michigan at Ohio State.
• 2:30 p.m.: Be coerced by your mother into taking a long family stroll with everybody's dogs. Upon your return, you will have missed five touchdowns in Texas Tech at Baylor.
• 3:00 p.m.: ALERT. THIS IS ABOUT WHEN A BUNCH OF COMPELLING GAMES ALL START HAPPENING AT ONCE. Ranked-on-ranked rivalry games get underway with Oregon at Oregon State, followed at 3:30 by Oklahoma State at Oklahoma and Florida at Florida State. Also, the Iron Bowl. What do you think Nick Saban eats for Thanksgiving?
• 6:30 p.m.: Start turkey gumbo experiment way too late to have turkey gumbo finished at any reasonable hour. Take frequent breaks to peek in on Stanford at UCLA, followed by South Carolina at Clemson at 7:00.
• 8:00 p.m.: Just stand half in the kitchen doorway while picking pieces of gumbo meat and vegetable chunks straight out of the pot and staring at the television. Notre Dame at USC is on.
• 10:30 p.m. Loll in a blissful stupor with warm gumbo bowl balanced on stomach. Your nightcap game for Week 13 is Louisiana Tech at San Jose State, unless you wanna live forever, in which case:
• 11:00 p.m.: THERE IS A REALLY LATE WARRIORS GAME ON THIS WEEKEND AND WE LOVE THOSE TO DISTRACTION. UNLV at Hawaii
takes you through to Sunday.