To start your Friday: Howard Schnellenberger testing out a texting and driving simulator twitter.com/CardChronicle/…
— Mike Rutherford (@CardChronicle) January 25, 2013
No caption necessary.
• Never recreate from your memory. Always imagine new places. We have found the scariest sentence in the world. Ready? "'I cannot discuss at this juncture my relationship with the NCAA,' said [Nevin Shapiro attorney Maria Elena Perez], who added that she has retained her own counsel and plans to release her side of the story in the coming days." YOU CAN'T GO FIVE LEVELS DOWN YOU'LL END UP IN LIMBO FOREVER.
• Coach-hirin' season! New Mexico State offensive coordinator Doug Martin, whose return to Las Cruces was announced by the school just last Thursday, has been named interim head coach following DeWayne Walker's departure for Jacksonville ... LSU is doing things to keep Les Miles at LSU, for which we should all be grateful ... Dan Enos' contract at Central Michigan has been extended through 2016 ... James Coley leaves Florida State to become the offensive coordinator at Miami, with new Twitter blasts surely to follow ("TIME TO PUT UP THOSE HURRICANE SHUTTERS, MIAMI OPPONENTS!").
• Roster blotter. Case McCoy and Jordan Hicks will not face charges in the alleged sexual assault report that got both players sent home from the Alamo Bowl. • Misc. A brisk game of confuse-a-cat with the NCAA ... a FAT GUY TOUCHDOWN perpetrator is headed to BYU ... and he's no longer under our coverage umbrella, but we will never tire of the WAC quarterback being in the Super Bowl, so here is a cake in the style of Colin Kaepernick's arm.