Newsy bits of varying degrees of quality from the weekend that was:
• Good news first. “As a senior, I had only a few more credits to get and it would seem like a waste of time for me to have gone through all the struggles I have and just act like I don’t need it any more or act like it wouldn’t help me in the future.” New Orleans' WWL-TV catches up with Tulane's Devon Walker, who intends to return to school this fall and wrap up his cell and molecular biology degree.
• And then deer antler spray news, as God intended. Intrepid internet personality Rick Muscles bought him some Bambi shavings at the S.W.A.T.S. gym, which went about how you might expect it to go:
RM: Please remember: a dude with a hologram taped to his nipple was telling me about my second brain.
SH: In your stomach.
RM: In my stomach.
SH: Go on.
• Phrasing. As Friday evening news dumps go, the revelation that Texas offensive coordinator Major Applewhite was disciplined in 2009 for having a relationship with a student was a doozy, and that's not even counting what may be the most unfortunately placed "during" in sports history:
• 'Crootin! When We Get Interested About Recruiting: When we can up our tally of schools holding Signing Day events at Buffalo Wild Wings (New Mexico State makes three!), when the AJC gets to explain what a bong is and when Jim Mora invites everybody over for hot dish, velvet ropes be damned:
• AND SPEAKING OF BUFFALO WILD WINGS: We have no idea how we missed the saucy tale of Virginia Tech's kicker pepper-spraying a BW3, and offer our most sincere apologies. This would have Unfortunate Offseason Happening of the Week on lockdown, were it not for:
• Actual Unfortunate Offseason Happening of the Week. A tale of a Pullman arrest, in three parts:
• Roster blotter. Texas A&M suspends defensive lineman Kirby Ennis following a Friday arrest for "disorderly conduct, discharge or display of a firearm" ... Texas backup quarterback Connor Brewer was arrested over the weekend for public intoxication ... Purdue receiver O.J. Ross has been suspended indefinitely for the Ever-Popular-And-Mysterious Violation Of Team Rules ... Dexter Morant is reportedly an academic casualty at Georgia.
• Realignment tidbit, grudgingly dispensed. Sun Belt, you're up. Just wake us when it's time to update our handy conference-hopper graphic. • Misc. Johnny Football continues to accidentally ensorcel a nation ... time to plan your final pilgrimages to the Toomer's Oaks, and to introduce the phrase "structures at the College Street-Magnolia Avenue intersection that are suitable for rolling" into the lexicon ... Mark Richt briefly lost control of his own bones, but to be fair, he was under general anesthesia ... and Bobby Petrino is on Twitter, which will in no way end in heartbreak.