Or, In Which We Should Have Known Better Than To Try And Go Out Of Town Today:
Johnny Manziel thwarts Alabama once again, gentle readers. Young Master Football's Heisman Trophy victory means the Tide will be unable to complete the celebrated Switzer Sweep of winning the BCS championship, Fulmer Cup and Heisman Trophy in a single year, as Auburn did not too long ago. But 'Bama's making up for missing out on the third element of the Slam by going after the second as it does on the football field: With alarming depth and relentless tenacity.
Crimson Tide running back Brent Calloway, linebacker Tyler Hayes, defensive lineman D.J. Pettway and safety Eddie Williams have all been arrested and charged in connection with an incident in which two students were robbed, and a credit card obtained in the attack was used to purchase ... vending machine snacks? College! Charge details, per the Associated Press:
Pettway and Hayes were charged with second-degree robbery. Williams was charged with fraudulent use of a credit card and second-degree robbery. Calloway was charged with fraudulent use of a credit card.
In an extra legal flourish, Williams was previously arrested just this past Sunday for carrying a gun without a permit.
All four players have been suspended from the football team; Nick Saban offers up this statement: "The young men charged are indefinitely suspended as we continue to gather information and talk to the appropriate people. The University and football program have strict guidelines regarding issues of this magnitude. This behavior is unacceptable for any student-athlete at the University of Alabama and not representative of our football program."