Today in arrests that sound much cooler now than they probably were at the time: Boulder's Daily Camera reports that Colorado defensive lineman Samson Kafovalu was arrested over the weekend while trying to buffalo-doze his way into a fraternity party. Relevant excerpt, emphasis added: "While his friends were trying to push him back, Kafovalu bumped into a short brick wall and knocked part of it over, causing $300 in damage according to the fraternity, according to police."
Now. We're not monsters. Threatening other human beings is not OK. If folks don't want you in their party that badly, how good a time could you really have in there? And we cannot condone property damage that doesn't involve garden gnomes. But. Don't you wanna be the guy who knocked over a brick wall? However short and decrepit? Like an actual buffalo might have done? If Kafovalu can properly channel this Super Mario power of his, what a difference that might make to Colorado's defense. Among the charges filed against Kafovalu: "use of fighting words," which, it turns out, can be a crime!