The 12 Harshest Roger Ebert Takedowns Of Bad Sports Movies

Author:
Bryan Armen Graham
Publish date:
Apr 5, 2013

Roger Ebert, one of the finest writers of our times and the first journalist to win a Pulitzer Prize for movie criticism, passed away Thursday at 70.

An independent thinker if ever there was one, the longtime Chicago Sun-Times scribe could surprise you with good reviews for what seemed like bad movies -- Three stars for Air Bud! Three-and-a-half for Legend of Bagger Vance! -- but Ebert never spared the rod when he believed a film was truly dismal.

And there's no shortage of dismal when it comes to sports films. Here are 12 of Ebert's most memorable takedowns of movies from perhaps cinema's most formulaic genre.

The 12 Harshest Roger Ebert Takedowns Of Bad Sports Movies

JOHNNY BE GOOD (0.5 stars): "This movie is simply financial leakage, a squandering of resources equivalent to polluting a river or plowing under a rain forest. I'm serious. We're desperate for things to think about in this society, and these guys contribu

JUWANNA MANN (2 stars): "Hollywood never flags in its lack of invention; on July 3, we'll get Lil' Bow Wow in 'Like Mike,' as a small kid who stars in the NBA, with many of the same jokes appropriately adapted. What's next? A dog that plays basketball? On

EDDIE (1.5 stars): "The movie features a lot of pro basketball players, who mostly do a good job of playing sanitized, toned-down versions of real-life athletes. The movie might have had more fun being more real. I didn't for a moment believe the Knicks w

KAZAAM (1.5 stars): "As for Shaquille O'Neal, given his own three wishes the next time, he should go for a script, a director and an interesting character." (PolyGram)

ROCKY IV (1.5 stars): "Rocky IV" has many moments that are not believable. My favorite is the moment when Rocky faces Drago in the ring in Moscow, and the all-Russian crowd starts chanting "Rocky! Rocky!" Sure. Uh-huh. You bet. ... Stallone says this will

THE SCOUT (1.5 stars): "'The Scout' starts out as a terrific comedy, continues as a pointless drama, and ends as a cornball cliffhanger. Rarely does a movie start high and go downhill so fast. It's as if the filmmakers progressively lost their nerve with

MAJOR LEAGUE II (1.5 stars): "There's one bright spot: On the basis of this dismal attempt, the team will probably not be back next season." (Diamond Images/Getty Images)

THE SIXTH MAN (1.5 stars): "Let's not talk about how predictable it is. Let's talk about how dumb it is." (Getty Images)

D3: THE MIGHTY DUCKS (1 star): "'D3: The Mighty Ducks' is the first movie title I've seen that correctly predicts its grade on Entertainment Weekly's movie report card: a D." (Disney)

THE WATERBOY (1 star): "Do I have something visceral against Adam Sandler? I hope not. I try to keep an open mind and approach every movie with high hopes. It would give me enormous satisfaction (and relief) to like him in a movie. But I suggest he is mak

ROLLERBALL (0.5 stars): "'Rollerball' is an incoherent mess, a jumble of footage in search of plot, meaning, rhythm and sense. There are bright colors and quick movement on the screen, which we can watch as a visual pattern that, in entertainment value, f

THE REPLACEMENTS (2 stars): "It's like a standard sports movie, but with every point made twice or three times--as if we'd never seen one before. And the musical score provides such painstaking instructions about how to feel during every scene, it's like

Johnny Be Good

Rollerball

The Waterboy

D3: The Mighty Ducks