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Tyler, the Creator Now Trying to Rescue Justin Bieber from an Irate Keyshawn Johnson

Keyshawn Jets Damn Ball Book

The Keyshawn Cops saga, that magical gift to humankind, rages on. By now you likely know the basics: last week Justin Bieber reportedly drove his Ferrari at excessive speeds through his Calabasas (L.A.), CA community, leading to a pursuit by former NFLer Keyshawn Johnson back to Biebs' house. Later that day former NFLer Eric Dickerson, also a local, took to Twitter to note that Justin Bieber does indeed need to ease up on the pedal. This stance generated an atypically underwhelming backlash from Bieber's unofficial citizen army of Beliebers.

Now the spotlight has returned to Johnson, who is learning what happens when a person enters Bieber's orbit. Namely, TMZ happens, as it did late last week while Johnson was walking to his vigilante traffic police cruiser / Toyota Prius.

Johnson, craving a return to those tranquil times when the likes of TMZ weren't "bothering" and "inconveniencing" him, spoke angrily about the danger that Bieber's reckless driving poses for his own children and the pop star's alleged neighborly douchiness:

"As celebrities, we want our peace of mind," Johnson said. "We try to get behind gates so we can enjoy our families and enjoy our lifestyles. But you got a 19-year old kid, feeling entitled, speeding up and down ... then you got him spitting on people in the neighborhood--you can't do that!"

And what about the story from Bieber's camp that it was actually Tyler, the Creator -- and not the Biebs -- behind the wheel, and that Johnson couldn't tell them apart?

"Look man, I know the difference between a black kid driving a car and a white kid driving a car," Johnson continued. "[Bieber] was sitting in the driver's seat."

That would seem to be a reasonable claim from Johnson, but the story took a major, mysterious twist the next day:

THE PLOT THICKENS.

So many questions: Is Tyler's tweet, which came five days after the initial story broke, part of an elaborate cover-up? Is Johnson not as adept as he purports to be at pinpointing the racial identities of young men piloting speeding vehicles? How many rappers have access to Bieber's keys?

This story is about four days away from being the basis of a new CSI series, and CBS can't wait.
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