It's unclear when, exactly, common decency disappeared from our stadiums. It may have vanished long ago and we simply lacked the Twitter and Vine and Internet and depraved voyeuristic sensibility necessary to notice it. In any case, it's gone. Evaporated. Ripped away like a would-be souvenir baseball from the hands of an innocent young girl, which is something you'll see below, amid other instances of ballpark savagery. And like a girlfriend who gets blasted in the face by a home run ball during a trip to a game with her boyfriend, it's never coming back*.
1. Guy trucks a young boy during his attempt to scoop an extra innings grand slam ball
Seattle, June 2013
Watch out for this guy during a fire drill.
Have another look (courtesy @CJZero)
2. Husband bails from seat to escape a flying bat that nearly decapitates his wife
Anaheim, June 2013
Beware of bats and balls and cowardly husbands.
3. "Beverage Gate": A home run ball, a spill and brew-taliation
Chicago, May 2013
The wife caught some beer spillage when the husband tried to prevent a home run ball from escaping the bleachers. Nine dollars is a small price for a ballpark memory like this.
4. Boyfriend pulls the olé on a home run ball that drills his girlfriend in the face
Phoenix, April 2013
To be fair, everyone was caught by surprise when Pete Kozma hit a homer.
5. Guy boxes out young girl at Marlins game and steals ball
Miami, September 2012
The Heat could use a guy like this in the post right now.
6. Rangers fan picks off ball thrown to boy, proceeds with photo shoot in front of crying child
Arlington, April 2012
In the aftermath, Jimmy dubbed the couple "awful human beings". He later elevated them to "good human beings" after the couple claimed (somewhat dubiously) that they were unaware of the boy sitting next to them.
7. Horrible woman rips ball away from a little girl
Houston, June 2011
The most egregious act of them all. The ball wasn't even batted foul. A player tossed it to the girl, the woman tried to intercept it, lost it, then yanked it away from the girl's hands—and then celebrated! The woman must have put the ball on her mantle next to buckets of stolen Halloween candy and a vial of children's tears.
8. A father at a Dodgers game drops his daughter to try to catch a foul ball
Los Angeles, May 2011
"Hey Dad, remember that time you dropped me onto cement at a Dodgers game?" -- That girl, for the rest of their lives.
9. The original "Jerk Boyfriend Lets Foul Ball Hammer Girlfriend" Viral Video
Houston, August 2010
Adding insult to shame, CBS's Harry Smith ripped the guy in an interview, saying, "In normal human life, if a foul ball comes your way, you know what men do? They stand up and they catch the foul ball. That's what men do." To paraphrase Smith, the guy not only failed to act like a man but he might even be subhuman.
*Or is it? Watch this Diamondbacks fan give up a ball to distraught young boy because "it was the right thing to do."