Brett Smiley
Friday June 21st, 2013

NASCAR Penske Racing Team driver Brad Keselowski appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live Thursday night, and it didn't take long for viewers to learn that the reigning NASCAR Sprint Cup champion wants to buy a $200,000 military Hellcat tank. His given reason is to protect his property from burglars, which have struck his home in the past. As Keselowski explained, a Hellcat, once properly equipped with machine guns and stationed on the driveway, should effectively deter thieves. Skip to 3:20.

Of course, Keselowski then admitted that wanton destruction is another big selling point. "I want to run over something," he said. And just like that, living near Justin Bieber seems more palatable.

When not discussing his intent to acquire armored combat vehicles, Keselowski took a moment to assail the American education system, saying that students don't need geometry or any of the "crap" they teach in school. Wherever you fall on that issue, at least Keselowski proved that with a 2.0 GPA in geometry and other "crap" you can still become a well-compensated athlete and potential Hellcat tank owner.

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