Everything will be OK in the end. If things are not OK, this is not the end. Unless you forgot to add an extra half hour to the DVR recording. (All times Eastern)
Cycling Tour De France: Final Stage, 12p.m. (NBC Sports Network)
Let this be a requiem for the most fruitful source of viral oddities and peripheral nonsense this young blog has ever known. As a final goodbye, the tour giveth one more bizarre story to go home with: Speculation involving P.E.D.'s, a rare stomach virus, and the bowels of an internet forum.
Soccer Gold Cup Quarterfinals: USA vs. El Salvador, 3:30p.m. Sunday (FOX)
There's a bizarre dichotomy to how teams are approaching this tournament. They have an ostensible driving desire to win, but none of the top countries are bringing out their superstars to compete. Don't expect to see Clint Dempsey or Tim Howard on the pitch for the U.S. It's like when you play it cool in a restaurant as you see the waiter bring dessert to the table because grown men don't squeal over bananas foster, damn it.
Golf The Open Championship: Final Round, 6a.m. Sunday (ESPN)
If you're struggling to stay awake after rising super early to catch the British Open, just watch this GIF of Tom Rinaldi. You won't sleep for days. (GIF via SBNation)
Arena Football Orlando Predators vs. Cleveland Gladiators, 7:00p.m. Saturday (CBS Sports Network)
Sure, Orlando has a chance to qualify for the playoffs after starting 0-5. But let's be honest, we're all here for the kick returns off the net.
MLB New York Yankees vs. Boston Red Sox, 8:00p.m. Sunday (ESPN)
After a pair of great years in the hands of New York fans, the schadenfreude has returned to the Red Sox as the Yankees continue to crumble. Jeter's back on the DL. A-Rod's still in the minors. Good days in Boston.
TV Here Comes the Boom, 9:00p.m. Saturday (Starz)
Chubby teacher Kevin James takes up mixed martial arts in order to make money for his struggling school. Even he knows not to horse around like this in the cage.
TV Celebrity Wife Swap, 8:00p.m. Sunday (ABC)Former WNBA star Lisa Leslie swaps husbands with MTV VJ "Downtown" Julie Brown. Watch as Brown's husband slowly starves to death due to his inability to reach any of the shelves in the home of Leslie and her equally gigantic husband.