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I fought the lard and the lard won. (All times Eastern)
MLB New York Yankees vs. Texas Rangers, 7:00p.m. (ESPN & ESPN3)
Don't be surprised to see some tired eyes on the fellas in pinstripes for this one. The Yankees didn't finish up last night's loss in Boston until almost 1a.m. We all know Joba Chamberlain gets cranky when he doesn't get his beauty rest.
Soccer UEFA Women's Euro Quarterfinals: Spain vs. Norway, 11:45a.m. & France vs. Denmark, 2:30p.m. (ESPN3)
The chips fell in just the right spots for Denmark on the last day of group play for them to get a berth in the quarterfinals. As the last remaining underdog, I like to imagine the Danes are training to "Winning Ground," the official song of tournament, which would be perfect musical accompaniment to an '80s-style "getting ready for the big game" montage.
Olympic Sports FINA World Championships: Diving Finals, 7:00p.m. (Universal Sports Network)
The broadcast will include synchronized diving, one of the most GIF-able sports there is. (Lots more at Business Insider.)
Baseball U.S. Baseball Championships All Star Game, 6:30p.m. (CBS Sports Network)
The best high school players in the country get together in Richmond, VA for a North vs. South showdown. It'll be difficult for managers to give the players the proper Mariano Rivera style send-off, since age restrictions mean this will be the last All Star game for nearly everyone involved.
Golf Big Break Mexico, 9:00p.m. (Golf)
They're down to just four competitors, and a looming double-elimination will decide who goes head-to-head in the finale. The episode synopsis says, "A crucial decision impacts the championship match." Hopefully it involves contestant Brent's decision to shave his unfortunate mini-goatee.
TV Hit the Floor, 9:00p.m. (VH1)
This scripted drama about the lives of four sexy NBA dance squad members used to have a title that was much more direct in pointing to the program's appeal. This show was originally less-than-subtly called Bounce.