Turkeys of the Year: The Best of the Worst from 2013

It seems like a simple bargain: In exchange for celebrity and wealth, all athletes have to do is play their game and not ethically biff on the national stage. Yet every year the siren's call of jackassery proves too alluring to resist for dozens of the famous and fortunate. Is it frustrating for fans who invest time and money into supporting those players? Unquestionably. But it would be more frustrating if it didn't provide an opportunity to look back and mock those same players for their foibles. And so we present: the 2013 Turkeys of the Year.

Turkeys of the Year: The Best of the Worst from 2013

THE BIOGENESIS FIVE: Ok, ok, just so we're clear: Two former MVPs -- A-Rod and Ryan Braun -- were linked to Tony Bosch, a shady PED peddler, who ended up accepting money from MLB's Bud Selig and Rob Manfred, the supposed good guys in all this, to rat on h

MICHAEL WALTRIP RACING: Amid allegations of race-fixing at Richmond during the final stop of the regular season, NASCAR fined Michael Waltrip Racing a whopping $300,000 (the largest fine in the organization’s history), docked its teams 50 driver points

MIKE RICE AND THE RUTGERS ADMINISTRATION: When the video of men’s basketball coach Mike Rice physically and verbally abusing his players went viral last April, it exposed not just an out-of-control coach, but an administration prone to blunder. Rice was

MEMBERS OF THE PRO HOCKEY WRITERS ASSOCIATION: Imagine an entire All-Star consisting only of Alex Ovechkin. Well, the Professional Hockey Writers Association headed down that road last July when the Capitals star forward earned enough votes to be named as

RAY EMERY: With the NHL pondering harsher penalties for fighting, the Flyers’ hotheaded goalie picked a bad time to go psycho. When a scrap broke out during the third period of a 7-0 whupping by Washington, Emery left his crease to pummel counterpart Br

RICHIE INCOGNITO, AND PERVASIVE MACHISMO: When Dolphins offensive tackle Jonathan Martin abruptly left the team earlier this season, accounts surfaced of mistreatment by Incognito, including a voicemail in which Incognito used a racial slur and threatened

RILEY COOPER: The Eagles receiver hadn't been known for doing anything notable in his NFL career until video of him screaming that he would "fight every n----- here" at a Kenny Chesney concert surfaced. Cooper apologized for his remarks and paid an undisc

RORY MCILROY: After struggling for two months with his new gear and a balky swing, the world No. 1 was seven over through eight holes in the second round of the Honda Classic when he withdrew, citing distraction from a lingering toothache. He ended the ye

ROY HIBBERT AND TYLER SEGUIN: "No homo" is a no-no. You know this.

SHABAZZ MUHAMMAD: One of the top freshmen in the country at UCLA last year, Muhammad’s draft stock declined after concerns surfaced about potential character issues. It didn’t help that his father misled the media about Muhammad’s age, telling the L

THE NEW ORLEANS POWER GRID: With a commanding 28-6 lead over the 49ers to open the second half of Super Bowl XLVII, it appeared as though the Ravens would cruise to victory. That is, of course, until an electrical relay device meant to protect the Mercede

VON MILLER: The Broncos’ Pro Bowl linebacker landed in a wee spot of trouble in August after he failed a drug test. Miller, a repeat offender, appealed his four-game suspension, but was found to have colluded with a star-struck urine sample collector to

LANE KIFFIN: With Kiffin as head coach, USC's football team started the year 3-2, losing to Washington State at home and giving up 62 points at Arizona State in a game that was so embarrassing that university athletic director Pat Haden fired Kiffin in th

MANTI TE'O: It was a heart-wrenching story for the ages: Notre Dame linebacker (and Heisman candidate) Te’o lost both his grandmother and his girlfriend, Stanford student Lennay Kekua, on the same day. The Hawaii native didn’t miss a down a mere four

JAMES DOLAN: As the Knicks continue to struggle, Dolan is taking out his frustration on the famous Knicks City Dancers. According to reports, the Knicks owner ordered that the girls’ roles be reduced to mostly throwing T-shirts into the crowd.

TIGER WOODS: The little-known golfer committed an illegal drop on the 15th hole at the Masters this April, placing his ball about two yards back to give himself a better angle during the second round. A TV viewer alerted Augusta officials to the violation

BASEBALL WRITERS ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA: For deciding that grandstanding and "making a point" about steroids was more important than voting in some of the many deserving Hall of Fame candidates currently on the ballot. (From commenter JohnLammTX)

HEAT FANS WHO LEFT FINALS GAME 6 EARLY: Miami faced a five-point deficit in the final 30 seconds of a win-or-go-home Game 6 against the Spurs—and though the game had not officially ended, and the trailing home team featured both the reigning MVP and per

MATT BARNES: The Clippers might have signed Barnes because of his reputation as a tough guy, but the 6-foot-7 forward might not help his teammates the next time a skirmish with an opposing team breaks out. Barnes was ejected in the second quarter of a Nov

LUIS SUAREZ: The Liverpool star is as talented a forward as there is in the world, but he can't escape controversy. Between his intentional, goal-saving handball in the 2010 World Cup, biting a player while playing for Ajax in 2010, getting involved in a

MAURKICE AND MIKE POUNCEY: The brothers, offensive linemen for the Steelers and Dolphins, respectively, were photographed on their birthday wearing hats that read “Free Hernandez” in support of their Florida teammate and accused murderer Aaron Hernand

CARLOS QUENTIN: Everyone loves Zack Greinke, the Dodgers pitcher known for his affinity for sabermetrics and refreshingly candid quotes (“I could play for the worst team if they paid the most”). Well, everyone except Padres outfielder Carlos Quentin.

IGNORANT SPORTS TALK RADIO PERSONALITIES: It was a busy year for the fraternity. In June, Nick Cellini, Steak Shapiro (above right), and Chris Dimino (above left), who manned Mayhem in the AM on Atlanta’s 790 the Zone, mocked former New Orleans Saint St

DAN SNYDER: It's his team, so he doesn't have to change its name. That's his right. But the ship of public opinion has sailed, and even a far more charismatic man than Snyder would have a hard time changing its course. Enjoy your island, Dan.

DANA WHITE: After popular UFC welterweight champion Georges St. Pierre defeated Johny Hendricks by controversial decision in November, the lumped-up and seemingly dazed fighter said, "I need to hang up my gloves for a little bit … at least, make a point

DENNIS RODMAN: International diplomacy has rarely witnessed a scene as bizarre as Rodman, the former NBA eccentric, schmoozing with Kim Jong Un, the 29-year-old nuke-rattling leader of North Korea. The U.S. State Department decried Rodman’s overtures to

DWIGHT HOWARD: Every sport needs a good heel. It's just a role no one ever saw the erstwhile NBA class clown assuming. A pouty season on the Lakers might have been forgiven if Howard hadn't been such a clown—bad variety—during free agency. But he was,

ED RUSH: The Pac 12 was unexpectedly forced to investigate the difference between jokes and legitimate threats after the 2013 conference basketball tournament, as then-head of officiating “jokingly” offered $5,000 or a trip to Cancun to his crew shoul

MARTY MAGID: The former agent of former Broncos linebacker Elvis Dumervil blew his client’s contract renegotiation with Denver when he faxed in the paperwork six minutes after a league-imposed deadline. Dumervil fired Magid, hired Tom Condon, and shortl

ANYONE INVOLVED WITH FANTEX: Texans running back Arian Foster and 49ers tight end Vernon Davis were both announced in October to be early offerings at Fantex, a company that planned to trade shares in professional athletes based on the player’s off-fiel

FIFA OFFICIALS: Given his history of tone-deaf verbal gaffes and machiavellian moves, FIFA president Sepp Blatter should really receive a lifetime Turkey award. But we award him in 2013 for his sexism (said Blatter on three women being named to FIFA's Exe

EVERYONE BEGGING THE JAGUARS TO SIGN TIM TEBOW: At various times this year, Jacksonville fans have pleaded with the Jaguars organization to sign Tim Tebow. They’ve petitioned the White House, held rallies, hired skywriters, and taken out newspaper ads.

THE JAGUARS: Even if Tebow won't give them the best chance to win games, it’s not as if being 2-9 is a great consolation prize. If Jacksonville did sign Tebow, their games would take on a whole lot more intrigue, there would be fewer empty seats, and sp

JEN BIELEMA: When Jen’s husband, Bret, left the University of Wisconsin football team to coach the Arkansas Razorbacks, many Badger fans were happy to see him go. Immediately after Wisconsin lost a controversial game to Arizona State, Jen tweeted #karma

LANCE ARMSTRONG: Last year, the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency called Armstrong’s use of performance-enhancing substances "a massive fraud now more fully exposed," stripped him of his record-seven Tour de France titles, and banned him from cycling for life. If

LARRY SANDERS: After signing a four-year, $44 million contract extension with the Bucks this summer, the 6-foot-11 center suffered a torn ligament in his right thumb while allegedly participating in a Nov. 3 bar fight at a night club in downtown Milwaukee

THE NCAA: The purveyors of shamateurism could probably find a spot on this list every year, but the past several months have been particularly egregious. They ruled student athletes ineligible for participating in military and church leagues, declared tha