Alex Suskind
Tuesday December 24th, 2013


Sylvester Stallone is 67 years old. Robert De Niro is 70. Now the movie titans are fighting each other in Grudge Match, opening on Christmas day. It's the Geriatric Special, the Rumble in the Arthritis Jungle: a Rocky vs. Jake La Motta-esque battle of two retired rivals—Henry “Razor” Sharp and Billy “The Kid” McGuigan—who return to the ring to settle a 30-year-old score. That, and to make a boatload of money. When Aaliyah sang “Age ain’t nuthin but a number,” she definitely didn’t have this in mind.

What can you expect from the film? Well, it’s filled with old jokes, more old jokes, fat jokes, and—pattern here—old jokes. To help you decide whether it's worth dashing off to the theatre to see Cash Grab Grudge Match, we kept count of key details while watching. Here are the stats.

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