Peter Serafinowicz doesn't watch soccer, but that isn't stopping him from providing commentary on World Cup games.
The English comedian has been providing live commentary for recent matches... kind of. Instead of discussing real soccer facts, Serafinowicz's commentator character seems to be analyzing another sport altogether. Some highlights from his commentary on yesterday's US-Ghana match:
This is the 2014th World Cup.
Well I'm afraid this game has entered rather boring territory again. ... I'm looking at the clock and it's 59:30 and I'm thinking, "Goodness gracious. 60 minutes in, I mean, two-thirds of the way in and still, what a boring game.
What a game. We’ve had sad goals, happy goals, people jettisoned into the sea.
In this particular game, some of the players have been replaced by actors, and in one case, a fashion model, because they were deemed "not telegenic enough." They don't look good on camera.
He's trying to bring on multi-ball [into the game]. Multi-ball is still primed, it still could happen. And in fact, sometimes multi-ball goes off by accident, because the mechanism gets jolted, and that's it. Multi-ball.
I mean really, it's just a lot of guys kicking a ball.
That's a hand-painted football. ... There are over 25 layers of rainbow-colored paint.
This is the tallest game in the tournament. They're at least 6'7". One of the players, I'm informed, is over 9 feet tall. However, he's got subdued boots, which means he's effectively running in a self-created trough the entire time.
And if you're not familiar with Mr. Serafinowicz's work, give this a look-see (NSFW audio) :