We here at Extra Mustard are well-known for being the primary investigative journalism branch of Sports Illustrated*. But let me tell you, our latest scoop completely dwarfs the rest of American sportswriting. Thanks to a little shifty data-mining and some unsavory characters, we were able to hack into the Twitter drafts folder of Browns quarterback/human snapback Johnny Manziel. That’s right, hand over the Pulitzer right now.
What you’ll see below are the very real and totally authentic drafted tweets that were pulled right off of Mr. Football’s phone. It’s a snapshot of a young boy at his most candid, trying his best to keep the world from holding him down. We highly suggest reading these in a dimly-lit room while on your third spin of Take Care.
*did not fact-check this