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'Total Divas' smackdown on SI Now
1:24 | Sports Illustrated
'Total Divas' smackdown on SI Now
Luke Winkie
Thursday October 9th, 2014

About a month ago we took a look at some of the worst bootleg sports gear you could find on CafePress, the meritocratic black-market for self-enterprising online storefronts. If you don’t know, CafePress is a website where you can pay a fee, and print whatever you want onto a shirt, tank-top, coffee mug, business card template, whatever. It’s mostly populated by teenagers who claim to own their own “fashion imprint.”

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Like everything else on the internet, there’s nothing original on CafePress, and it serves as a place where sad people fool grandmothers into buying cheap knockoffs for soon-to-be-devastated boys and girls. So this time around, we decided to look at the world of pro wrestling. How many superstars have been permanently immortalized in chaff? How many idiots are trying to make money by borrowing their slogans and faces? Lets find out!

Hulk Hogan

CafePress

I’m not sure what “1HulkHogan.com” is, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say it’s not associated with Pro Wrestling Hall-of-Famer Hulk Hogan.

John Cena

CafePress

Here’s the funny thing with John Cena, you can’t actually type his name into CafePress. A query for John Cena nets you a “hey sorry, no results found!” Which we all know is a lie, because T-shirt printing services were put on this earth to make shameful NEVER GIVE UP knockoffs. So how did I find that clipart abomination above? By putting “hustle, loyalty, and respect” into the search bar. YOU CAN’T HIDE FROM ME.

Stone Cold Steve Austin

CafePress

Great, I’ve always wanted a Stone Cold-themed business card made entirely out of wingdings.

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Shawn Michaels

CafePress

This is what happens when you try SO HARD to say Shawn Michaels name without actually saying Shawn Michaels name.

CM Punk

CafePress

Yep, I think that will definitely convince him to come back.

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Roman Reigns

CafePress

You know, when I go to grab my hard-earned money, the only thing I really want to look at is a horrifying Photoshop-Trial-Version squish of Roman Reigns face. Those CafePress bootleggers, always with their finger on the pulse!

Ultimate Warrior

CafePress

For some reason there are more bootleg Ultimate Warrior shirts on CafePress than any other wrestler, and I’d say 40 percent of them are laced with profanity. So instead we’re going with this very sporty ironed-on number.

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Randy Orton

CafePress

You know, I’m pretty sure Randy would be totally into this design.


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