We’ve got better beer slogans for all 32 NFL teams
NFL fans who are counting calories and watching their wallets will be able to drink from team-specific cans of Bud Light this season. Each can comes with an individualized slogan like, “The perfect beer for chanting J-E-T-S, JETS JETS JETS.” They’re all pretty lame, which is why we came up with better ones.
Rams: The perfect beer to remind you of St. Louis when your team moves to Los Angeles
Bengals: The perfect beer for when you’d rather be watching college football
Patriots: The perfect beer for reading a 243-page legal briefing
Seahawks: The perfect beer for forgetting to run the ball
Jets: The perfect beer to drink through a straw
Jaguars: The perfect pint for a London pub
Bears: The perfect beer for pretending it is still 1985
Vikings: The perfect beer to drink while birds try to fly through your new stadium
Packers: The perfect beer for washing down a 3,000-calorie lunch
Chiefs: The perfect beer for staying fresh past its expiration date
Giants: The perfect beer for crushing on a crowded NJ Transit train
Washington: The perfect beer to throw at Dan Snyder’s owner’s box
49ers: The perfect beer for convincing yourself you don’t need Jim Harbaugh, or Chris Borland, or Patrick Willis, or Justin Smith, or Michael Crabtree, or Frank Gore, or Mike Iupati
Colts: The perfect beer to strain through Andrew Luck’s beard
Ravens: The perfect beer for a elite quarterback
Texans: The perfect beer for watching slow motion J.J. Watt Hard Knocks montages
Lions: The perfect beer for forgetting the Matt Millen era
Titans: The perfect beer for Marcus Marioto
Falcons: The perfect beer for listening to artificial crowd noise
Browns: The perfect beer for drunk texting to the sidelines
Steelers: The perfect beer for burying your children’s participation trophies
Buccaneers: The perfect beer to pair with crab legs
Dolphins: The perfect beer for when at least you're not the Marlins
Cardinals: The perfect beer for watching other teams win championships in your stadium
Saints: The perfect beer to pound with Rob Ryan
Chargers: The perfect beer for holding your taxpayers hostage
Raiders: The perfect beer to split with a friend when you skip town
Bills: The perfect beer to ice down your injured running backs
Broncos: The perfect beer for toasting Peyton Manning’s 40th birthday
Eagles: The perfect beer for the perfect man, Tim Tebow
Cowboys: The perfect beer for icing Dez Bryant’s face
Panthers: The perfect beer for waiting on the team to sign another receiver
