Winter Storm Jonas is coming to the Northeastern United States this weekend, and unless you feel like moving very slowly on a highway, people will likely be tucked away in their homes for the majority of the next few days.
Since sleep is overrated, and you have probably already finished Making a Murderer, you are going to need to find something to watch. Since we all know the best thing on TV is always sports, we came up with an hour-by-hour viewing guide to keep you from reenacting The Shining over the snowbound weekend.
The storm is supposed to reach Washington, D.C. around 3 p.m. ET on Friday, so that's where our guide begins. All times are Eastern Time.
3 p.m., The World Championships of Ping Pong (ESPN3)
Day one of the three-day table tennis extravaganza is streaming live from London, and what better way to get yourself into a trance than the hypnotic volleys of pro Ping Pong?
4:30 p.m., Clippers-Cavaliers replay (NBATV)
Did you miss Thursday nights contest between the Clippers and Cavaliers? Do not worry, because it is replaying this afternoon, and a star-studded NBA game is just the kind of fireworks you need to snap you out of your table tennis induced daze.
6:30 p.m., Raptors-Lakers (ESPN Classic)
Catch the last half hour of Kobe Bryant’s finest individual performance and watch as the retiring legend pours in 28 fourth-quarter points in his classic 81-point performance.
7 p.m., Australian Open, Day 6 (Tennis Channel)
Day 6 of the year’s first tennis major is here to bring you some elite tennis all through the dark, snowy night. Grab some hot chocolate and a blanket and watch No. 3 seed Garbiñe Muguruza take on Barbora Strycova as a prelude to top-ranked American John Isner facing off against Feliciano Lopez.
10:30 p.m., Pacers-Warriors (ESPN)
The last time these two teams met, the Pacers gave a then-undefeated Warriors team a scare with a late surge in Indiana. Tune in to see if they have a chance at finishing the job against the NBA’s best team on Friday night.
1 a.m., Australian Open, Day 7 (ESPN 2)
It may be late and snowy where you are, but in Melbourne it is a summer Saturday afternoon, so why not transport yourself there and watch Andy Murray face Joao Sousa and Madison Keys take on Ana Ivanovic. You could sleep if you wanted, but you might miss something cool.
7 a.m., Bundesliga Soccer: Hamburg SV-Bayern Munich (Fox Sports 2)
You fell asleep, didn’t you? It’s OK, grab some coffee and watch one of the world’s greatest soccer teams, Bayern Munich, go to work against Hamburg SV.
9 a.m., Premier League Soccer (NBC Sports)
Coffee is kicking in and you are remembering how much fun watching soccer is, so why not keep it going? Catch the end of Norwich City-Liverpool and roll right into Manchester United-Southampton.
Noon, Mardi Gras Open & WPH R48 Pro V (ESPN3)
If you want fast-paced action and excitement, the World Players of Handball have it for you at this year’s Mardi Gras Open.
4 p.m., Missouri-Texas A&M (SEC Network)
The tenth-ranked Aggies host Missouri in an SEC basketball battle that will distract you from the snow you will eventually have to shovel.
6:30 p.m., World Championship of Ping Pong (ESPN3)
Do you feel that itch? You know what it means? It means your body is calling out for more table tennis. Do not deny yourself.
8:30 p.m., Bulls-Cavaliers (ABC)
The NBA is debuting its new Saturday Primetime on ABC broadcast with two of the top teams in the Eastern Conference facing off.
11 p.m., Australian Open Day 7 (ESPN 2)
The schedule for Round 4 has not yet been set, but at some point over your second night of tennis binging you will get to see matches between Novak Djokovic and Giles Simon, Jo-Wilfried Tsonga and Kei Nishikori, and Roger Federer and David Goffin.
6 a.m., UFC Fight Night: Gustafsson-Johnson (Fox Sports 2)
Sunday has two big NFL games, so you need to snap yourself out of the graceful volleys of tennis with some combat sports. Watch Alexander Gustafsson and Anthony Johnson face off in this 2015 light heavyweight battle.
8:25 a.m., English Premier League: Everton-Swansea City, Arsenal-Chelsea (NBC Sports Network)
You are probably ready for some football at this point, but you'll have to settle for soccer for a few hours. If you're not a soccer fan, at least you've probably heard of most of these teams.
1 p.m., D-League Game of the Week (NBATV)
Man, all the guys in that Arsenal-Chelsea game are probably super rich. Take some time to watch this D-League game and see some players who are still grinding for their shot at the big time.
3 p.m., AFC Championship (CBS)
The snow is supposed to have died down by now so it would be a perfect time to get out there and shovel your sidewalk and driveway. Unfortunately, Tom Brady and Peyton Manning are squaring off in the AFC Championship, so you are too busy to go outside just yet.
6:30 p.m., NFC Championship (FOX)
Alright, just one more game to go, with the Cardinals and Panthers fighting for a spot in Super Bowl 50. The snow will probably melt on its own eventually anyway.
9 p.m., Sleep
All sports and no sleep make Jack a dull boy.