Now that the Super Bowl 50 matchup is set, it’s time to start thinking about what snacks you’re going to serve at your party for the big game.
Nah, just kidding. Don’t be the sucker who spends nine hours building a to-scale, six cheese replica of the first battle of Antietam in hopes of getting a retweet from brand Twitter. Instead, bookmark this article and pull it up on your phone about 30 minutes before gametime and you’ll have all the instructions you need for a Super Bowl feast.
Here are the best lazy snacks to make for the big game:
Stouffer’s French Bread Pizzas
These french bread pizzas were once the holy grail of after-school snacks. If I saw a french bread pizza in the freezer, I was hugging my dad as soon as he got home from work. You will be tempted to microwave these—don’t. You need the crunchy bread and chewy, melty cheese contrast only an oven can provide.
Don’t bother starting with a small batch of these delights—make all 96 at once because you will never tire of eating or get full from bagel bites. For the best results, stick to making these on a large cooking sheet in the oven, or beware soggy bagels if using the microwave.
When the sauce from the final pizza roll you’ve bitten into has squeezed out onto your face, savor it. Sure, before every bite you promised yourself you would approach slower the next time so the nuclear-hot filling wouldn’t spread itself all over your lips and chin. But by the last pizza roll, you and the piping-hot sauce and lil’ pepperoni cubes have formed an inseparable bond. Cherish that bond until you heat up the next tray. (Pizza rolls are actually not terrible from the microwave if you like them a little chewy. They toast up nice in the oven as well.)
I know making regular toast is easy—pop it in the toaster, toaster oven, or even toast it on a hot skillet. But! For something that takes almost less effort, try the flavorful Texas toast. The thick bread takes longer to warm (a little more than two commercial breaks) but the garlicy goodness is worth the wait. Unless you want a rubbery mess (microwave) or butter all over your toaster, make sure you use an oven or toaster oven.
Some gooey cheese wrapped in a crunchy coating sounds great doesn’t it? Well you don’t have time for that in one commercial break so we are going to blast these things in the microwave for 2:30 and get a soggy coating around the rubberiest cheese you have ever had. Dip it in some jarred ragu you poured into a cereal bowl and it is still better than celery.
If you want your Super Bowl party to be a little more worldly, take your guests on a tour of Asia with some frozen spring rolls you find in your local freezer aisle. Only buy the spring rolls that come in boxes of at least 120. Pop them in the oven until they are slightly less than golden brown because you don’t have that kind of time. Make sure you defrost the little packet of sweet and sour sauce buried in the box for dipping. The combo of the spring roll and sauce may be what the kids call umami. (Editor’s note: It is not umami.)
Microwave corndogs/bagel dogs/pretzel dogs
Microwave mini corndogs and bagel dogs are the pinnacle of speedy snack. Get some mustard out and you could almost serve these to someone you were trying to impress. Almost. Caveat Emptor: Stay away from the pretzel dogs. Excellent concept but does not perform well in the microwave. Not all pigs in a blanket are created equal.
Imagine the most expansive possible definition of the word nachos here. If you have chips, great, if not, Wheat Thins, Triscuits, Saltines, really any crunchy carb will work. Throw a cheese (or cheese food product) on top and toss it in the microwave until it bubbles. Take it out and top it with salsa, or barbecue sauce, or something else that maybe has tomato in it, and you have an authentic Mexican delight!
There is probably a bag of these somewhere deep inside your freezer. Dig it out and throw it in a pot of boiling water. Beware though, roughly 50% of these explode in the water while you boil them so be sure to make more than you need.
Everyone loves guacamole, and you can find a million stories about the spike in avocado sales leading up to the Super Bowl. But dicing vegetables is a pain and these plastic pouches not only are easier than making your own, but also prevent your friend from talking incessantly about his “Awesome Guac Recipe.”
Hot dogs wrapped in a paper towel and microwaved
Who has time to boil water, and let these cook for 6 minutes? Throw some hot dog buns in the toaster oven, and then wrap your dogs in a paper towel and microwave for a “lightly steamed” result.