Dan Gartland
Friday March 18th, 2016

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Oh god. Duke is playing Yale on Saturday. Cancel your racquetball game and break out your finest boat shoes—this is going to be a good one. 

What are the odds that the two most loathsome teams in the field got paired together in the second round? Unfortunately, unless the earth is swallowed by the sun between now and 2:40 p.m. ET Saturday, someone is going to have to win this game. (Duke won 80–61 when they played in November.)

So who should root for? Let’s take a look at each team’s hatred résumé. 


Yale Bulldogs

Why you should hate them

  • Five presidents went there. At least half the country always hates the president. 
  • Everyone who went there is more successful than you.
  • They probably have a player in some weird secret society
  • Someone you hated in high school probably went there. 

Why they’re not so bad

Duke Blue Devils

Why you should despise them

  • It’s Duke.
  • Grayson Allen trips people and looks like Ted Cruz.

  • They have another Plumlee.
  • Jon Scheyer, the Duke point guard you hated in the late 2000s, is an assistant coach. 
  • Coach K’s hair.

  • They just won the tournament last year. 
  • Everyone who went there is more successful than you.

Why they’re not so bad


The Verdict

You shouldn’t have to choose who to root for. Go for a walk instead of watching.

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