Tuesday March 29th, 2016

You and I know Jim Nantz as the friendly CBS announcer whose voice is synonymous with AFC football (mostly the Patriots), the occasional Super Bowl and the Masters. This is a good relationship for us to have with Jim Nantz.

Servers at diners, breakfast joints and hotels around the country know Jim Nantz as “The Burnt Toast Guy.” This is a bad relationship to have with Jim Nantz. 

I mean, just look at this story Nantz told Golf Digest about how he likes his toast at breakfast:

“I’m a breakfast guy: three eggs scrambled, with bacon and wheat toast, burnt. The problem is, it never came back burnt. For years it would arrive limp and tan, which brought breakfast to a standstill when I sent the toast back. It was costing me 10 minutes a day, which, multiplied by six days a week, is four hours a month. That’s 48 hours—two full days—per year. My friends, time is currency. My wife, Courtney, got tired of hearing me complain about it. She found a photograph on the Internet of a kitchen toaster ejecting two slices of burnt toast. She minimized it, printed it out and had it laminated. She insisted I put it in my wallet. When I order, I present the photo to my server. I get some strange looks, but I can assure you, the toast now arrives black and scary, just the way I like it.”

Julian Edelman still hasn’t returned the video game he rented in 2004

What Nantz is saying is, every time he orders toast at a restaurant, he pulls a photo out of his wallet so the server knows exactly how burnt he likes his toast. 

First of all, who likes burnt toast?! Who wants to scoop their scrambled eggs onto a piece of acrid, bitter cardboard every morning? And if you think the person who always makes a substitution every time they order food is annoying—how sick and twisted is the person who pulls out a photo every time they need some toast?

The next time Jim Nantz sounds a little under the weather at a sporting event, at least we’ll know to thank the server who probably spit on his burnt toast. 


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