Tuesday April 12th, 2016

Get breaking news and SI’s biggest stories instantly. Download the new Sports Illustrated app (iOS or Android) and personalize your experience by following your favorite teams and SI writers.

The Chicago Cubs unveiled their new clubhouse to the media on Tuesday, and it certainly looks way more club than house.

Seriously, what is this monstrosity? It looks like the seedy, fifth-deck nightclub on a cruise ship where a bunch of 22-year-olds pound piña coladas.

And why is this bear staring at everyone?

Wouldn’t these lights get annoying after a while? I’d feel like I’m stuck in a casino.

I mean, come on.

No, for sure, a fog machine is a totally practical thing for a professional sports team’s clubhouse to include. And it’s only a matter of time before someone gets injured because they went too hard when the disco ball dropped. 

Whatever, I’m sure turning their clubhouse into nightclub will be great juju for the Cubs, who definitely aren’t the type of organization who need to worry about upsetting any kind of spirits.

– Rohan Nadkarni

SI Apps
We've Got Apps Too
Get expert analysis, unrivaled access, and the award-winning storytelling only SI can provide - from Peter King, Tom Verducci, Lee Jenkins, Seth Davis, and more - delivered straight to you, along with up-to-the-minute news and live scores.