Dan Gartland
Wednesday November 23rd, 2016

The holidays are a wonderful time. Everyone you love gets together and enjoys some drinks and some food. And after even more drinks, it’s like your Facebook feed come to life—everyone starts talking about politics.

Look, it’s going to happen and it’s going to be miserable. But here’s a helpful guide to deftly steering any political conversation back to sports. Good luck. 


Uncle Mark: I strongly believe in the peaceful succession of power.

You: I agree. The way Tony Romo gracefully handed the reins to Dak Prescott was admirable. 


Aaron, a lonely neighbor: Are we honestly still talking about Hamilton?

You: I wonder if his increased on-base percentage is a product of Bryan Price’s decision to move him out of the leadoff spot, or merely just a coincidence. 


Cousin Amy: I think more people should be talking about how rampant voter suppression is. 

You: Tweet “#Porzingis” and “#NBAVote.”


Aunt Jane: It’s about time we do something about these immigrants. 

You: Absolutely. U.S. Soccer really dragged its feet with the Jurgen Klinsmann decision. 


Grandma Erma: The current state of the right wing is sickening. 

You: I disagree. Rangers fans have to be encouraged by Michael Grabner’s hot start. 


Grandpa Sam: I’m fed up with how sensitive information keeps ending up in the wrong hands. 

You: Exactly. If it can happen to Wake Forest, it can happen to anyone. 


Cousin Steve: If it comes down to it, I don’t trust Pence to be ready to lead.

You: He battled through injuries last year but still batted a respectable .289. With any luck, Brandon Crawford and Brandon Belt will stay healthy and take some pressure off Pence. 


Ben, your sister’s lousy boyfriend: I’m really not crazy about the Keystone pipeline. 

You: Seriously? I think Penn State’s recruiting strategy of keeping local talent close to home has worked out wonderfully.


Some distant relative whose name you’ve forgotten: I’m concerned about Russia’s outsized influence on America. 

You: But Mikhail Prokhorov’s Nets aren’t even slightly relevant. 


Earl, your aunt’s second husband: The thing I hate about the Electoral College is how it forces us to care about Ohio. 

You: Alright, we get it, you’re pulling for the Wolverines on Saturday. 


Jacqueline, a Canadian exchange student unsure why you’re celebrating Thanksgiving in November: In my opinion, the rich need to start paying their fair share. 

You: The one area where I’ll give the NFL credit is with the revenue sharing system. It helps level the playing field. 


Taylor, your brother’​s fiancée: I don’t understand why multi-billion-dollar corporations are allowed to use Native American caricatures for their logos. 

You: Welp! What’s for dessert?

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