Insert cat-related baseball pun here. (Photo via Wikimedia Commons)
Proving that nothing on this earth is free from the potential of having cats added to it, the Hallmark Channel—which produces the Kitten Bowl that airs on Super Bowl Sunday—announced that it will create a "Kitten Paw-Star Game" that will air on the day of the 2015 All-Star Game. According to the New York Post, the game, in so much as you can call cats running around and batting things a game, will feature cats dressed in baseball outfits playing with baseballs with "celebrities and baseball stars to cheer the kitties on." The Post did not specify which stars would be in attendance, but it's safe to bet that one of them will be Alex Rodriguez desperately trying to rebuild his image by playing with kittens on national television.
The first-ever Kitten Bowl was conceived as a counter to Animal Planet's stunningly popular Puppy Bowl, which also airs on Super Bowl Sunday and is objectively the most adorable thing on the entire planet. It proved to be a ratings smash for Hallmark, drawing six million viewers to watch miniature cats with names like Terry Bradclaw and Mike Kittka do this:
Yes, you heard the host correctly: This was a three-hour broadcast of cats playing with toys on the day of the Super Bowl that got six million viewers. To put those numbers in context, a June 30 broadcast of Yankees vs. Orioles on Fox—a real game featuring humans playing baseball that was one of Fox's most-watched of the year—drew 3.6 million viewers.
As of yet, Animal Planet has not announced any plans to create its own puppy-based All-Star Game, meaning that cats have definitively seized the upper hand (or paw, rather) in the nuclear arms race that is animal-based sports parody shows.