Campus Quick Slants
I say yes. America, meet the SABAN Scale.
The SABAN Scale rates coaches in five key areas on a scale of zero-to-five (whole numbers only) and computes the probability that a head coach will leave a given college for another job at some point in the future. "SABAN" is a symbolic acronym for the factors that are taken into consideration.
There are five mutually exclusive attributes derived from the life and times of Nick Saban that factor into this scale:
The five factors (S-A-B-A-N) are added together and multiplied by four. Quite simply, the product of your calculations is the probability that a coach will vacate his position, better known as the "probability of vacation" or "POV." Given the lackluster mathematical skills of the scale's inventor (yours truly), only addition and basic multiplication are required.
Yes, the SABAN Scale takes for granted a "Saban Constant" of 100% POV in all Nick Saban head coaching ventures -- it is assumed that no other coach can ever achieve the Saban Constant. Additionally, the scale assumes no coach with less than 60% POV is willing to leave his position.
No, the scale can also be used to determine whether a new girlfriend/boyfriend will eventually cheat on you, though it has yet to be approved by Dr. Neil Clark Warren. And other stuff, too. Since it's entirely subjective, you can tweak the system to determine POV for just about anything -- that is, as long as you establish a token "Nick Saban" beforehand.
Well, I'm glad you asked. Here are a handful of examples ...
The decision by CBS Sports to replace commentators
In what can only be seen as a victory for all mankind, Johnson has been reinstated in his previous capacity. Perhaps a year off from the Sweet 16 and Elite Eight has allowed Johnson to suck down some warm honey and heal his vocal cords for another Road to the Final Four.
Need a reason to love Gus? Witness
In looking over the bowl pairings, a random thought came to me: finding a bowl bid could be much less stressful if you just hosted your own game. I mean it -- if you could secure the necessary funds from some desperate dot-com, what'd stop you? Heck, Hawaii's been doing this for years, notching all seven of its previous bowl appearances inside the limits of its home state. New Mexico's doing it this year. I'm sure others have in the past, as well. No travel expenses. No neutral field. Just a bevy of built-in advantages. It'd be like an extra home game but with a different name. It's bulletproof.
Anyway, there are six games on the docket between tomorrow and Christmas, my picks are underlined ...
Before I get to last week's winner, I just want to thank everyone for participating. My inbox saw a deluge of messages, and I personally read every entry. By comparison, the creativity you showed in your answers makes me look like
Upon learning that
After doing some research on
On second thought, perhaps I should've compared the Georgia fan base to
For those interested, Laurie's e-mail address is LaurieE@Hell.com.