If you're interested in having your son support you in your old age, here is my vocational advice to you: starting when he's in the crib, turn him into a left-hander, and then train him to become a relief pitcher. There's always a well-paying place for layabout southpaw relievers, well up into their athletic dotage. You see, while lefties moan that the world at large discriminates against them, our sinister brethren have all the advantages in sports whenever they directly face right-handers. Now an engineering professor named
Whereas only about about ten percent of the whole human population is lefty, Professor Peters revealed that about 25 percent of major leaguers are the minority-handed sort of people. More significant, in the Hall of Fame, of the 70 pitchers, 15 were southpaw -- more than twice the homosapiens average. And hitters: of the 138 in Cooperstown, 59 were lefty, and eight more half-lefty switch hitters. That means that an incredible 46 percent of the best hitters ever swung at those appetizing right-handed slants.
In basketball, left-handed shooters have always driven opponents crazy. The game's greatest defensive player,
Somebody once wrote that McEnroe would be just another losing quarterfinalist if he were right-handed. McEnroe went beserk. Of course, if there'd been a fight, he surely would have battered the writer. Left-handed boxers are a scourge other fighters try to avoid. In fact, there's a theory postulated by two French sociologists at the University of Montpellier that lefties succeed so in sport because back when men faced off in man-to-man combat, lefties prevailed more often, living to pass those victorious genes on.
The best proof that lefties have an advantage in man-to-man competition, comes, conversely, from golf, where you're not playing your opponent, only that neutral little ball. In the whole history of the PGA, left-handers have won only 37 tournaments, and