So, I was in Cincinnati for a reunion of the Big Red Machine -- did I mention I'm writing a book? -- and it was a lot of fun, and there were all sorts of hilarious items that I will try to share, but for the moment I have to discuss an important matter.
Namely: The sports jersey with your name on the back.
I think I have about 17 million of these jerseys now with my name on the back. The only one I bought for myself was, oddly enough, a personalized New York Islanders jersey that I bought when I was, like, 18 years old. I became a pretty big Islanders fan then because of my high school buddy Rob, and because I loved
And because I had inherited this horrendous sports legacy of the Browns, Indians and Cavaliers -- through no fault of my own -- I felt like I deserved one winning franchise. Just one. I had earned that. So I picked the Islanders, who had won four consecutive Stanley Cups. Of course, as soon as I picked the Islanders, they stopped winning Stanley Cups, and the Edmonton Oilers took over, and I despised the Oilers and, then the Islanders became a fiasco, and yes, it is just abundantly clear that I am doomed to never, ever have any connection to a winning franchise.** It's like my Superpower or something.
ANYWAY, for reasons that would be pointless and confusing to explain, I have two Kansas City Royals jerseys, one Milwaukee Brewers jersey, one Cleveland Browns jersey, one Oakland Athletics jersey, one Atlanta Hawks jersey (yes) and, now, a 1975 Cincinnati Reds jersey, all with my name on the back. All of them were gifts of some kind. The personalized 1975 jersey, the latest addition to the closet, was a gift for spending a gargantuan amount of money to be at the Big Red Machine Reunion dinner*.
So here's my problem: I obviously will not wear these personalized jerseys in public. They are pretty nice -- the Brewers jersey in particular is
So, what to do? I can't really wear these jerseys. On the other hand, I can't give them away -- who would want a sports jersey with
What to do. The decisions of middle age. I'm driving back home today -- and I'll wear my 1975 Reds jersey. I think it's OK to wear in the car. Also I'll wear a jacket over it.*